When it comes to fashion, I basically haven’t got a clue, but lately, there’s something urging me to make a few very bold statements.
Statement #1: Baggies over skinnies
I dislike skinnies! I don’t care if it shows how huge my balls are or how curvy my butt looks, I just don’t think a guy should be walking around half-stiff while showing off his curvatures. It’s uncomfortable having your wallet, phone and other things in your pockets ‘stuck’ to your body like glue. And don’t get me started about the effort it takes to pull out anything from your pants. And did I mention the effort needed to ‘organize’ the stuff in your pockets just so you can walk comfortably? Sorry, but I prefer the ‘freedom’ of baggies, they have much more room for my schlong to manoeuvre, cause lets be honest, it’s huge and deserves a lot of breathing space.
The number one reason for increased sales of man-bags: Skinnies
Statement #2: Celebrities make anything look good
Stop thinking that whatever a celeb wears is what everyone should wear, or what designer labels showcase on the runway is the trend everyone should follow. It’s all a bunch of kiss-my-ass, get-rid-of-your-clothes-and-buy-new-ones bullshit! I’m sure Ryan Reynolds, Mick Jagger or Eminem would make anything look good, for the sole reason that they are idols and have a following unlike the rest of us. Whatever they wear, their followers wear, thus creating a trend, which – especially in a nation obsessed with trends – becomes the only accepted method to dress. Trendsetters such as yours truly can’t be arsed about what others think looks good, we’re confident enough to know we do look good no matter how we choose to dress, even if it is baggy shorts with a fit tee. Like the Apek buying scrap in P.Ramlee movies.
Left: Cool; Right: Not so much. Disagree? Who gives a rats ass!
Statement #3: Bigger is (slightly) better
If given a choice, a bigger car or a smaller car? A smaller house or a smaller house? A bigger pay check or a smaller pay check? The answer will always be, bigger. If you answer is to the contrary then you my friend have a mental problem. I’m not stating that a dude needs to wear a jersey that goes down to the knees, or pants too big that it shows off his SpongeBob SquarePants boxers, all I’m saying is that I’m pretty sure the clothing industry won’t be running out of fabrics any time soon, so why not spare a few yarns of cotton to give your skin some extra breathing space? Hell, make a hoodie for your tee if you still have some left over, it’s not like a hoodie is exclusively for sweaters – another pile of garbage by the fashion designers I must add.
Relaxed pose vs. Stiff pose - The clothes could be the cause.
Now you realize why I’ll never be a great fashion designer nor will be giving out any fashion tips in the near future. And no, it doesn’t faze me, cause I’ll also never be a great architect, singer, nor philosopher and none of those fazes me either.
But with everything, there’s no one rule. To think of things as black and white would indicate how rudimentary one’s thinking is, and the exception to the rule in this current topic would be suits. Suits should be fitted, and unless you have an average height, weight and complexion – like me – should always, ALWAYS, be customized… Like Barney Stinson’s in ‘How I Met Your Mother’.
I’ll talk to one and order drinks from the other. You decide which is which.
Final note?
Keep your skinnies, I choose comfort with style over trends any day bitches!
Adios!
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