Unique.Uncommon.Unequaled

Fashion, ala me

2012-01-25T18:29:00.001+08:00

When it comes to fashion, I basically haven’t got a clue, but lately, there’s something urging me to make a few ~~very bold~~ statements.

Statement #1: Baggies over skinnies

I dislike skinnies! I don’t care if it shows how huge my balls are or how curvy my butt looks, I just don’t think a guy should be walking around half-stiff while showing off his curvatures. It’s uncomfortable having your wallet, phone and other things in your pockets ‘stuck’ to your body like glue. And don’t get me started about the effort it takes to pull out anything from your pants. And did I mention the effort needed to ‘organize’ the stuff in your pockets just so you can walk comfortably? Sorry, but I prefer the ‘freedom’ of baggies, they have much more room for my schlong to manoeuvre, cause lets be honest, it’s huge and deserves a lot of breathing space.

The number one reason for increased sales of man-bags: Skinnies

Statement #2: Celebrities make anything look good

Stop thinking that whatever a celeb wears is what everyone should wear, or what designer labels showcase on the runway is the trend everyone should follow. It’s all a bunch of kiss-my-ass, get-rid-of-your-clothes-and-buy-new-ones bullshit! I’m sure Ryan Reynolds, Mick Jagger or Eminem would make anything look good, for the sole reason that they are idols and have a following unlike the rest of us. Whatever they wear, their followers wear, thus creating a trend, which – especially in a nation obsessed with trends – becomes the only accepted method to dress. Trendsetters such as yours truly can’t be arsed about what others think looks good, we’re confident enough to know we do look good no matter how we choose to dress, even if it is baggy shorts with a fit tee. Like the Apek buying scrap in P.Ramlee movies.

Left: Cool; Right: Not so much. Disagree? Who gives a rats ass!

Statement #3: Bigger is (slightly) better

If given a choice, a bigger car or a smaller car? A smaller house or a smaller house? A bigger pay check or a smaller pay check? The answer will always be, bigger. If you answer is to the contrary then you ~~my friend~~ have a mental problem. I’m not stating that a dude needs to wear a jersey that goes down to the knees, or pants too big that it shows off his SpongeBob SquarePants boxers, all I’m saying is that I’m pretty sure the clothing industry won’t be running out of fabrics any time soon, so why not spare a few yarns of cotton to give your skin some extra breathing space? Hell, make a hoodie for your tee if you still have some left over, it’s not like a hoodie is exclusively for sweaters – another pile of garbage by the fashion designers I must add.

Relaxed pose vs. Stiff pose - The clothes could be the cause.

Now you realize why I’ll never be a great fashion designer nor will be giving out any fashion tips in the near future. And no, it doesn’t faze me, cause I’ll also never be a great architect, singer, nor philosopher and none of those fazes me either.

But with everything, there’s no one rule. To think of things as black and white would indicate how rudimentary one’s thinking is, and the exception to the rule in this current topic would be suits. Suits should be fitted, and unless you have an average height, weight and complexion – like me – should always, ALWAYS, be customized… Like Barney Stinson’s in ‘How I Met Your Mother’.

I’ll talk to one and order drinks from the other. You decide which is which.

Final note?

Keep your skinnies, I choose comfort with style over trends any day bitches!

Adios!

An attempt at: 'Roll With It' - Oasis

2012-01-06T23:04:00.000+08:00

Nothing to do on a quiet Friday night, so I made some noise...

You gotta roll with it

You gotta take your time
You gotta say what you say
Don't let anybody get in your way
'Cause it's all too much
For me to take

Don't ever stand aside
Don't ever be denied
You ought to be who you be
If you're coming with me

I think I've got a feeling I've lost inside
I think I'm gonna take me away and hide
I'm thinking things that I just can't abide

I know the roads on which your life will drive
I find the key that lets you slip inside
Kiss the girl she's not behind the door
Do you know I think I recognize your face
But I've never seen you before

You gotta roll with it
You gotta take your time
You gotta say what you say
Don't let anybody get in your way
'Cause it's all too much
For me to take

[Instrumental]

I know the roads on which your life will drive
I find the key that lets you slip inside
Kiss the girl she's not behind the door
Do you know I think I recognize your face
But I've never seen you before

You gotta roll with it
You gotta take your time
You gotta say what you say
Don't let anybody get in your way
'Cause it's all too much
For me to take

Don't ever stand aside
Don't ever be denied
You ought to be who you be
If you're coming with me

I think I've got a feeling I've lost inside
I think I've got a feeling I've lost inside
I think I've got a feeling I've lost inside
I think I've got a feeling I've lost inside
I think I've got a feeling I've lost inside
I think I've got a feeling I've lost inside
I think I've got a feeling I've lost inside
I think I've got a feeling I've lost inside

2011 in 11 pictures

2011-12-27T16:12:00.001+08:00

The highs and (very little) lows of 2011

2012

2011-12-22T18:41:00.004+08:00

I've been told that to move on you've got to let go... The past few days have been spent doing exactly that. Relinquishing anything that can stand in my way of getting ahead and putting to bed anything that has been lingering around...

So here's to the memories of the past year... and years. and here's also to the new year and new adventures that it may bring.

Some bridges will have to be burnt, most will definitely have to be kept. But thanks to all that brought me to where I am, who I am and what I am.

If 'serenity' was the tagline of 2011, the tagline of 2012 would be 'self-fulfilment'.

"I am not a car, I don't have a reverse gear..."

Adios!

Confident-borderline-cocky

2011-12-06T03:59:00.001+08:00

Sitting here in the dark, with the TV on, a blocked nose, and multiple trips to the toilet, my mind wanders to first impressions…

So just to empty my mind of the issue, which would hopefully send me into a coma until my alarm sounds at 7am. Here’s a top five list of what other’s first impression of me are:

NUMBER 5: Serious
I can’t help it if I look serious when I’m doing nothing. What? You expect me to smile everything you walk by? If so, pay someone to walk five minutes ahead of you to announce your imminent arrival.

NUMBER 4: Skinny
I have no problem with people noticing I’m skinny, but the follow-up “Are you suffering from something?”, really gets under my skin. As if I would tell you my condition the first time I meet you. Unless, of course, you have the qualification of being a doctor.

NUMBER 3: Smart/Clever
It’s always nice to be complimented. But I must say, your criteria of gauging someone’s intellectual level is really flawed if you can tell whether a person is smart/clever when you first meet them. Oh, by-the-by, I AM smart AND clever.

NUMBER 2: Crazy
I sometimes do crazy things when around those I am close to. It’s merely just to entertain them. I act silly and stupid from time to time as a way for my friends and I to laugh. Unlike most, I know when to make a total ass of myself and laugh about it. Something that most are terrified of. Poor insecure souls.

NUMBER 1: Poyo
“Ini Amir la!”. And instantly people get peeved. Now, once and for all, I’m gonna lay it straight. I only say those words around people who truly know me. Those words are part of a bigger picture, a longer essay. If you happen to be in the vicinity and overheard those words, then make a hypothesis from it; then you, are, guilty, of, eavesdropping. Gossip much?

The one constant factor of all these points? Assumptions.

So all I’m gonna say is take your assumptions, and your justification, and shove it up where the sun don’t shine.

If you want someone to truly understand you, then take the time – a significant time – to actually get to understand others.

Because when you do, you will see that I’m the confident-borderline-cocky type…

…and I am the embodiment of AWESOMENESS.

Adios!

Congratulations Azra Ayu Azni & Zaifariqh Hadzly

2011-11-29T15:26:00.001+08:00

A special shout-out to Azra Ayu Azni and Zaifariqh Hadzly who got engaged on the 27th of November 2011.

Diagnosed

2011-09-09T01:10:00.001+08:00

A trip to Prince Court Hospital revealed the answer to many of the questions regarding my physical being…

Ibu was due for a follow-up at the hospital today, a week after successfully undergoing surgery to remove a few lumps. To keep her happy (and to get her to stop nagging) I agreed to see a doctor to find out why the trembling in my hands were getting worse.

I can’t quite remember when the trembling first occurred. My best estimate would be some time between 2008 and 2009. Since then the trembling has gotten more and more noticeable – spreading to my thighs in the last few months.

After a blood test and an EEG, I was diagnosed with Thyrotoxicosis by the friendly neurologist, Dr. Hamidon Basri. This condition is when the thyroid glen produces too much thyroid hormones, which basically sends my body into hyper-drive.

The chances of a males to suffer this condition is 1 in 1,000, while females risk a 1 in 100 chance.

Here are the list of symptoms that I am showcasing:

Shaking or tremor, especially in the hands
- How I got the ‘Parkinson's’ nickname. Something I laugh about with my friends. Thankfully it is not, for the complications of that would be way too much to address.
Weight loss
- Everyone, and I mean everyone, have been telling me that I am too skinny. While other struggled to keep their weight down, I struggled to keep it up. Thankfully now I know why.
Increased appetite
- “Amir bela hantu raya!” My closest friends would tease me whenever they see me eat. For a person so small, I can take on the best of the best when it comes to eating. “Hantu raya kau nama Thyroid” said Dr. Hamidon, funny man.
Over activity
- My body is always doing something. Even when sitting down my hands would fidget and my legs would stomp. I thought it was just bad habits. Turns out it was excessive hormones.
Excessive sweating
- I sweat easily. Even sitting in my air-conditioned room at the family’s house in Kota Kemuning, my hands, thighs and feet are sweating, and I’m just wearing my boxers. Oh, and it’s set to 16 degrees Celsius.
Increased heart rate (palpitations)
- I would be lying if I said I didn’t notice this. Sometimes when my heart beats a little faster, I would put it down to perhaps being nervous, excited, or just too exhausted. Being the type to play futsal and work in the media industry doesn’t quite help.
Agitation
- Those around me can attest. I get agitated easily. I snap and lose my temper at a snap of a finger. Most of the times I don’t realize it, but now, looking back, I do admit that I can blow my top off for something really insignificant. For those caught in the crosshairs, I apologise. Thankfully it’s the hormones causing this and not my true self.
Anxiety
- “Mom knows best” the saying goes. And although most describe me as laid-back, easy-going and relaxed, Ibu would always know that something is always playing in my head. “Stop worrying about everything” she would say. I’m guessing the ‘fire-fighter’ isn’t quite a fire-fighter after all.
Changes in emotions
- I’m emo, nuff said.
Bulging of the eyes
- For someone with big eyes, it took the nurse (who had a brother with the same condition) no more than five seconds to tell me she suspected I was a candidate. Made me wonder why she’s a nurse and not a doctor though.

Dr. Hamidon is referring me to a specialist. I have an appointment with her, Dr. Norshinah Kamarudin on Saturday 17th September. She’ll tell me more about my condition specifically and will put me on a medication program which could last anywhere between 18 months to when I meet my maker.

Now that I know all this, I’m neither sad, disappointed nor angry. I found myself smiling when each test carried out confirmed my condition. The simple reason being I know it was another test from Allah, and He wants to abolish some of the many sins I have in my short life so far and test my faith in him.

“I’m ok. I’m as strong as they come. See me prove it.”

Oh, btw, I was also told I had a very high stress level and a high uric acid count…

But I also have very high IQ, the brain test confirmed it.

Adios!

Selamat Hari Merdeka!

2011-09-04T02:40:00.001+08:00

Look who’s in the video…

Aidilfitri 2011

2011-09-04T02:28:00.001+08:00

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, maaf zahir dan batin.

After a few years feeling Eid has lost it’s glow, This year’s celebrations has been a truly wholesome one. I wouldn’t say any one factor was the reason, but more so a combination of a few. I find that this year, I’ve managed to touch base with most of the extended family, which gives me satisfaction – and a huge smile to boost.

Dad has just left for Africa, mum’s just had surgery, lil' bro is locked in his room (as always) and big bro’s still MIA, I find myself with time to reflect on the advices given, and the decisions made.

Of circles and trust

“It’s time for you to leave this circle, find a new one” – Azra Ayu Che Azni

Those words were uttered to me a couple of months ago. Azra relays her thoughts from the middle, then she gets her point across, and ends it with the beginning. At the time I wasn’t sure if she included herself in it or otherwise. To be fair, at the time I wasn’t sure of anything. But thinking positively, I heeded her words. I took my leave. But instead of finding a new circle, I decided to do without. That decision I took, turned into a blessing. Peace of mind was obtained as I no longer find myself torn or caught in the middle.

Of growing up and moving on

“You’ve got to let go, you know people will disappoint you, but you have a tendency to have too much faith in people” – Aina Liza

Also uttered to me a couple of month ago. Aina is one smart lady, she always has time to give out advice and will give you an ass whooping when needed, and then complains about having to do it. She urged me to stop caring about people even though I see them making the wrong decisions. She said that it is their lives to screw and I have no right to save them, even when asked to. I followed her advice, and sure enough, I find myself less stressed out with life.

Of socializing and social media

“You need to go out and meet people, social media isn’t socializing, stop being so busy” – Shukri Jamal

This was a few weeks before Ramadhan. Shuk is full of one-liners and sarcasm, but when it comes to getting a point across, no one can be as direct. He saw how I was slowly spending less time with people in person – preferring my online presence instead, and he called me out on it. It’s still something which I have difficulty in carrying out, but slowly and surely, I am spending less time online and more time with real people in the real world.

Of perfection and getting there

“I saw the old dude today, I just want to tell you not to turn back, you’re doing so well” – Izran Hisham

Quite a while ago, and after one of of those weekly Sunday Futsal sessions. Izran is my anchor, the one I trust to keep my feet firmly on the ground. For a person who’s always in the clouds and shooting for the stars, he’s presence is a comforting existence when the clouds turn grey and the stars fail to shine. When I embarked on this journey to ‘fix’ myself, I made sure to tell him to keep an eye on me. True enough, whenever I felt I was losing it, he kept me on track. Basically, I owe my sanity to him.

Of me, myself and I

To these four friends, I reserve a very special place. Know that I will forever be grateful for your guidance and your concerns, and will forever be indebted for your patience.

“Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, maaf zahir dan batin di atas segala kesusahan, keburukan, kesalahan, dan ke-kurang-hajar-an diri yang tak seberapa ini”

Ramadhan has gone for another year, and soon, so will Shawal. If I happen to be in this same exact place next year, I wouldn’t have much complaints.

For once, I feel I’m winning. =)

Adios!

Makeshift traffic police

2011-08-12T23:00:00.002+08:00

Spent over an hour crawling along Jalan Tun Perak. Spotted this guy which made me smile. He's definitely doing his part for society.

Global updates no more

2011-07-10T14:32:00.001+08:00

I maintain four different mediums of sharing my thoughts, it’s time I separated them…

Reason?

I realized that sharing the same things over four mediums to the same people is redundant, while sharing work related things are just as bad as prostituting yourself for eyeballs.

I’m keeping it separated, and of course, as always, keeping it real.

Blog
www.masterblaster.com

Will remain the medium where I rant and rave about anything and everything under the sun.

Facebook
www.facebook.com/masterblaster80

The place where I seek out relatives, old friends and network building.

Twitter
www.twitter.com/masterblaster80

Random thoughts on random things constantly flowing in my head, which is a lot.

Google+
masterblaster80@gmail.com

Sharing medium, if I find anything interesting (interesting to me of course), this is where I will share it.

Awakening to reality

2011-06-20T02:42:00.001+08:00

As Neo would say whenever caught in a tight position, “Operator, I need an exit”

It might be life imitating fiction, it could be fiction imitating life. But as I dive deeper and deeper into life, I can’t help but feel frustrated by the reality that there are fewer people around me trying to do the right thing.

“I feel good about the good things that has happened; I feel bad about the bad things as well; But I wouldn’t change anything, because those things brought me to where I am today”

When I was growing up, doing the right thing was banged into me. From my parents, from relatives, from school, even from TV programs; whatever I did, or observe, I was asked not to just do the right thing, but also, understand the importance of doing the right thing.

Sometime after my parents moved to Japan, I stop doing those things which I was asked to do. Simply because I found it too difficult. I guess, in some ways, it was me being rebellious. No matter what the reason, I went astray.

“It is, and always will be, easier to do the wrong thing, which is by being selfish, and caring about ‘numero uno’. If anyone is guilty of that, then I would be the prime example.”

For those of you who:

Are against Islam – without willing to learn it fully and completely
Are against helping people – even when it means being mean
Are ‘allergic’ to preaching – even when it helps you be better

Than I ask for you to quickly click the ‘x’ button on the window. For you will see this post as self righteous and nothing more.

“I feel the need to explain again that this isn’t an attack on any one person or group, nor is it meant to show that I am better, more righteous and more pious than any one person or group. I am merely expressing the feelings in my heart, which has been residing in it for a good while now. Only now do I have the courage to express it, and not suppress it. Anyone who knows me will understand that this little space in cyberspace is my one sanctuary where I am free to rant and rave about my inner most emotions”

For those of you who decides to read on, I thank you for affording me your time.

Issue 1: Religion.

“I am a believer in Allah, and I bear witness that prophet Mohammad (PBUH) is his messenger”

Ever since the September 11th 2001 attack on the twin towers in New York, my religion, Islam, has been attacked again and again by people of all ages, of all beliefs, and of all walks of life.

They take liberty in attacking anything that doesn’t compute in their minds as conforming to their own ideology and way of thinking.

Why is it that these people are so hell bent in portraying Islam as public enemy number one? This is made simpler by acts of Muslims themselves who try to explain Islamic teachings (with good intentions I must add) based on their own interpretation, which, by Islamic law, is termed as bid’ah (innovations, creations, additions).

“Bid’ah (in relation to the teachings of Islam) is wrong, whether it is ‘good’ or ‘bad’, as it is altering the teachings of Islam, and when the teachings of Islam is altered, it is no longer Islam. For in the Al-Qur’an, Allah says he has perfected Islam for Muslims, for all time. At the first instance one changes a single iota of that, one is no longer a Muslim”

“Whenever in doubt, refer to the teachings and doings of the prophet Mohammad (PBUH) and the holy Qur’an. For Islam (at the end of times) will be divided, and only these two things will ensure a Muslim’s safe passage into heaven”

Please do not take the above and derive from it that I am championing one sect over the other. But it is my own research into Islam assisted by those who know better in the field. Even then, I would always apply the strictest form of critical thinking into what is presented in front of me. For those same people, although much more knowledgeable on the topic, are, at the end of the day, humans, and one of humankind’s fitrah (nature) is to err. So to take what they teach as fact and nothing but fact is wrong. And what I say here maybe erroneous as well.

Which brings me to my point. Research Islam and its full and complete teachings before attacking it, and for Muslims, research Islam and its full and complete teachings before defending it. Don’t take anyone’s word for it, take only the Al-Qur’an and the teachings and doings of prophet Mohammad (PBUH), and you will find it’s true meaning. This I am sure of as it was what the prophet Mohammad (PBUH) said himself.

“Hence my introduction at the start of this blog was how hard it is to do the right thing”

Issue 2: Parents

“I love my parents, and I will allow nobody nor anything to come between me and my parents”

As globalization becomes more and more a reality, I see how the world is now uniting in one method of thinking, and one method of conformation. Which is disappointingly more and more about being independent and again looking out for the wellbeing of oneself.

Call me traditional in my thinking, but I wholeheartedly believe that it is a child’s responsibility to ensure the wellbeing of their parent. Unfortunately, more and more people (adults and youth alike) are of the thinking that once one reaches a certain age, one should be out on one’s own, and leave one’s parents in order to build one’s own life.

“The average span of a human life is 75 years, I am 31, I have 44 years left in this life, ergo, my parents only have around 10 to 15 years. Sure, life and death is Allah’s call, but it will come one day, and the thought of it made me realize that I have to make everyday count. Hence, when I’m called a ‘momma’s boy’, or ‘daddy’s boy’, I don’t mind it at all. It shows that I am indeed appreciating them until the day Allah decides to take them away from me”

“Heaven, is placed at the sole of your mother’s feet. And (as Muslims) we have been ordered to love our mother, love our mother, love our mother, then love our father”

When it comes to this, I am one of those who only came to realize all of it in the past few years. And I feel bad for not realizing it sooner. Balancing professional life, social life, and home life isn’t easy. Add in the responsibility one has to one’s parents will only make it even more complicated and difficult. Nobody can, and will be, successful in achieving all of it, when push comes to shove, something has got to give. But alas, the solution has already been given to us by the prophet Mohammad (PBUH) who said that the best of lives, are those living in moderation. A little bit of each is all that is expected of us, and I, for one, will strive to achieve this.

“Hence my introduction at the start of this blog was how hard it is to do the right thing”

Issue 3: Hikmah (Wisdom)

“Whatever happens in life, either good or bad, there is hikmah behind it and for it”

“Everything that happens in life, happens for a reason”

I subscribe to the though that anything bad that happens to oneself, it is Allah’s way of preparing us for what is to come in the future, and only by going through these experiences would one be strong enough and ready to face worse experiences in the future.

While anything good that happens to oneself, is Allah’s way of rewarding one for perseverance, patience and strength that one goes through in the process of achieving those good things. Even when the good thing comes out of nowhere, it is because one is deserving of it, one just doesn’t realize it.

I have always believed that one is free to, and should, criticize wrongdoings and stand firm for what one believes in. But lately, the criticism thrown around has just been about one side believing their side is better and superior than the other. Be it democracy, way of life or religion, more and more people want everyone else to subscribe to their particular school of thought. A world where everyone thinks the same and differing opinions are unacceptable. Discussions and debate are seen as cumbersome and a strict no-go area, because it is seen as violent and insensitive of other’s belief or standings. Acceptance and tolerance is used as a prime reasoning that discussions and debate is seen as such. But it is these two things that would help enlighten ourselves (not the same term used to describe Illuminati and the New World Order mind).

Tolerance and acceptance will only happen when one is willing to learn about the other side, and understand why the opposite side feels so strongly about their stance.

“Criticism should be used to spur discussions and debate, as it will lead to enlightenment of the other side of the argument, and from there, one would be able to tolerate and accept the other side’s stance. Not used as a conforming tool to have everyone agree with one’s own stance”

As a species on Allah’s world, we have long forgotten our role in society and life.

I am one such example.

“We were made different (by Allah) so that we could learn off of one another, and accept the difference in one another so that we may live harmoniously together”

“Hence my introduction at the start of this blog was how hard it is to do the right thing”

I was once afraid to voice (type is more accurate) these views for fear of being reprimanded and/or getting shunned from those around me. But as that has already happened, I have found the courage to do so. Most of the time I find others unwilling to listen, discuss nor debate on this as it is seen as dark, twisted, depressing and non motivating.

I assure you, that it is not.

It is merely the voice of an awaken soul, the soul that has been slumbering all this while. A soul that is inside all of us, which we are either too afraid to face, or find it too difficult to tackle.

“Hence my introduction at the start of this blog was how hard it is to do the right thing”

The Army of Black Banners will come forth, I only pray I have opened my eyes and heart wide enough to see it coming. For I would love nothing more than to be part of them. Because only by opening my eyes and heart would I then be able to differentiate the true Army of Black Banners from the false ones.

This life is merely a test.

A test which I have every intention of passing with flying colours.

Kenduri @ Segamat

2011-06-13T22:27:00.002+08:00

Was in Segamat lately as a small feast was held to remember my late grandfather, Abdul Karim, who passed away last year, along with a few other relatives that have also left us. May Allah take care them.

An attempt at: The Fray - How to save a life

2011-06-07T02:44:00.001+08:00

This one goes out to Hafidz, Rona and my elder brother Amir Hamzah. I’m sorry I disappointed you, but sometimes, you guys make it so impossible. Having said that, I do miss all of you…

Poyo Session channel on YouTube

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life

Congratulations Reza & Nadia

2011-05-29T19:59:00.001+08:00

The happy couple tied the knot on Friday night, and had a reception on Saturday, to which I was WARNED to attend.

The couple arrives (Sorry for the shaky footage, you know me.=))

Congratulations guys, semoga bahagia ke anak cucu, anak pertama nama Midi, Alright? Lol!

Hit me harder Allah, I can take it!

2011-05-27T19:53:00.001+08:00

It’s hard, but I’ll push through, as I always do…

> "Last one out of the office on a Friday night. Only a hash brown since morning. Exhausted, hungry and sad. I'm reminded why I lock myself up. I try to satisfy demands, but at the end of the day, nothing is sufficient enough. Good things are ignored, and bad things are magnified. So much for a good start to my 31st year. Luckily I have work to bury myself in. Not many can do that. And for that one piece of luxury, I say Alhamdullilah. I rest confident that this will all end someday... One way or another. #GoFigure."

An attempt at: Andra & The Blackbone–Sempurna

2011-05-22T20:03:00.003+08:00

For those of you who ever felt insufficient, or imperfect.

Poyo Session channel on YouTube

Kau begitu sempurna
Dimataku kau begitu indah
Kau membuat diriku akan slalu memujimu
Disetiap langkahku
Kukan slalu memikirkan dirimu
Tak bisa kubayangkan hidupku tanpa cintamu
Janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku
Takkan mampu menghadapi semua
Hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa
[Reff:]
Kau adalah darahku
Kau adalah jantungku
Kau adalah hidupku
Lengkapi diriku
Oh sayangku, kau begitu
Sempurna... Sempurna...

Kau genggam tanganku
Saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh
Kau bisikkan kata dan hapus semua sesalku
Janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku
Takkan mampu menghadapi semua
Hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa
[Reff:]
Kau adalah darahku
Kau adalah jantungku
Kau adalah hidupku
Lengkapi diriku
Oh sayangku, kau begitu
Sempurna... Sempurna...
Kau genggam tanganku
Saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh
Kau bisikkan kata dan hapus semua sesalku

Ridiculously adorable

2011-05-15T12:37:00.001+08:00

Isn’t it funny how sometimes people care about you too much that they go about it in totally the wrong way?

It drives you crazy sometimes, but when you think about it, and reflect, and admit that sometimes you too do the same things, you can’t help but have a little bit of adoration for those people. Simply because, they are making an effort to show you they care.

I adore the way they care, and I will smile and play along and be tactful when need be, because of the very thought that for a few brief moments, they put me, ahead of themselves. The least I can do, is to humour them. The most I can do, is, as Sean Connery would say, “Be myshelf”.

“…here is where many who know me best would say “buttt…?” while rolling their eyes… Lol, I miss them…”

But, in all honesty, I guess it is time for me to address the issue in relation to my own self. The care, effort and advice are well appreciated, you; yourself and all of you, are well appreciated, but at the end of the day, what you think I want, may not be what I actually want.

“…let’s not go to 'needs’, a can of worms that…”

It’s a delicate process trying to tell somebody that their concern is misplaced; if mishandled, bridges will be burnt (something I know quite a lot about apparently), and thus I closed the gap between my lips, and let the synapses in my brain play musical chairs to remedy the best solution to the problem…

Until I realized there was none.

These people will keep on caring, and will keep on assuming what I want, and will “help” me achieve those dreams, no matter what. I would have told them harshly to “minda your owna bizness ce?”, but it’s that realization of their intent that stops me from being the asshole that I usually am.

So here’s to keeping your mouth shut, being tactful, and humouring these people, because, at the end of the day, they mean no evil; they mean no harm.

“I appreciate it, but that future is yours, not mine, now allow me to continue building mine, and I assure you, when I’m done – which isn’t too far off now – you’d come up to me, crock your head sideways, and say, “huh?””

Understanding: Easy for some, not for other - while a few, simply don’t care.

#GoFigure.

Back to Oakley

2011-05-04T14:31:00.001+08:00

I have been given the gift of depth perception once again. Lol!

2011 F1: Petronas Paddock Club invite

2011-04-09T15:35:00.001+08:00

Got invited to spend the day at Sepang International Circuit’s Paddock Club on invitation from Petronas Motorsports.

Fortunate enough to bump into a few ex-colleagues. Mervin, Ben, Hansen, and Chris Wee. Had a wonderful time and a big shout out to Farah Aziz for the invite.

Saying a ‘lil prayer

2011-03-16T21:13:00.001+08:00

A moment for those perished in the earthquake and subsequent tsunami which hit Japan on Friday March 11th 2011.

If the previous tsunami was close to home physically, this one was close to home emotionally.

God only knows what went through my mind during the time I wasn’t able to get in contact with both my parents. The simple automated thought was to not panic, but with every passing moment, the execution of that thought became quite a burden. So I do what I do best, burry myself in work.

Earthquake, tsunami, followed up by - what I’m guessing, is related – volcano eruption in Sulawesi. To make matters worst, a few nuclear plants are in danger of meltdown.

My parents made it home safely a few hours ago, Ayah could even muster up a joke saying his radioactive and stuff, while Ibu… seems fine enough, although she’s always good at hiding her fears. (Peace!)

But while we are giggling and making jokes, those still in Japan face a very bleak few hours. To them, life is by the hour, any plans ever had of the future, went crashing down… The subsequent tsunami a horrific visualization of that.

I plead for everyone’s generosity. Give what you can give, monetary or otherwise, but ensure those proceeds are given through the right channels.

But most important of all, don’t forget to include each and everyone of them in your prayers.

The sun will rise again in the Land of the Rising Sun.

Daddy’s excited for his new car

2011-02-24T15:23:00.001+08:00

Received an email today from ‘lil bro and father dearest.

‘Lil bro is celebrating his first year anniversary as a consultant at Accenture, while father dearest just placed an order to replace his current E240 with an E250.

‘Lil bro wanted father dearest to get the S-class.

This dude is just happy that father dearest got it in silver, and not maroon or purple as he said he would.

RM398,888 on the road in Malaysia, give me 15 more years, and I’ll be able to afford the down payment… insyaAllah.

Daddy challenges, son accepts!

A Saturday @ Pavilion

2011-02-01T15:52:00.001+08:00

Brought ibu out for lunch with her friends, then dinner with my friends.

Lunch was with Kak Zah, Kak Ennez and Dr. Ahmad at the Grand Millennium Hotel, Kuala Lumpur.

It was a nice spread of buffet lunch with choices ranging from western to Asian to fusion, and the usual desserts table of fruits, ice-cream and a chocolate fountain.

Thanks to Dr. Ahmad Nizam for the treat and he even shared a few wise words for me in my search for ‘the one’

“Love is over-rated; it fluctuates over time, so don’t find someone just because of love, find someone who’s kind, and someone who will be a friend until the end”

Wise words indeed, Will definitely keep it in mind.

Then Ibu and I went around Pavilion just for the heck of it. Nowadays I seldom leave the house – voluntarily of course – so it was good to be out and about and not be too preoccupied with other thoughts.

And as God would have it, Azra, Farid and Izran’s crew was also in the vicinity, Azra even dragged Azri along with his cousin Farhana (who’s quite a looker I must add, =P) as they bumped into each other at the hair saloon – Owh, check out Azra’s new hair, Rihanna much? Eh-eh-eh-eh.

I was surprised to see Azri, and further surprised when he forgot I had left MPB – I’ve left for a good three years now dude! – especially since he was assigned to me on my final location shoot in Penang!

Anyways, after much greetings and re-introductions, we spent some time having ‘high-tea’ (that wasn’t really high) and then lil’ bro Udin joined us for dinner at Tony Romas. The usual ribs with shrimp and finishing off whatever ibu couldn’t, in this case it was sirloin steak.

Thanks to those who spared a few hours to spend time with Ibu and I, we’re very grateful that you would think of us during your Saturdays, and hopefully there will be more times such as these.

Good times indeed!

What’s work without a little fun ay?

2011-01-27T18:44:00.001+08:00

Fooling around while setting up for Fuad Alhabshi’s (Kyoto Protocol) behind the scenes interview

The stupid things we do

2011-01-24T22:40:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I do – do (That’s for you Ekhsan!) stupid things… case in point =)

Family and family friends

2011-01-16T19:32:00.001+08:00

Pictures from the past fortnight when we were paid a visit from family and family friends. A big shout out to those who came.

Keep on keeping on

2011-01-16T15:02:00.000+08:00

Hit me as hard as You want. I'll just keep getting back up...

The heart still aches, but acceptance is seeping in.

Putting on a brave face

2011-01-14T12:28:00.001+08:00

You rest now, Yana. I’ll take on the world for the both of us.

“Yesterdays are for me to treasure; tomorrows are for me to ponder. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger; but please God, do take good care of her…”

- Amir Hamidi Amha, Friday 14th January 2011

Somebody told me that they never knew this side of me, I said I reserve special treatments for that special somebody.

And nobody comes close to you…

In memory of Nurfadzliyana Azhar.

Day 4: It just gets harder

2011-01-13T12:07:00.001+08:00

“Trying my best to be a man and be strong”

“Amir, I'm 24. i don't really grow well up like u do. i'm confuse and immature at times. The day u told me u fall for me, i decided to find papa and tell him, 'get ready. i wanna get married'. u are the only person who able to relief me, and get my feet back to the ground.” – Fadliyana Azhar

You got me back on my feet too sweety, that’s why it’s hard for me…

She understood

2011-01-12T11:57:00.001+08:00

The little things she does made me fall for her

She dedicated this to ‘w0rang dalam k0tak hati’

Me:
“U… I miss u…”

Yana:
“U… u pnh dgr x lgu the c0rrs,i xtau tajuk dia apa, tp lyrics dia ada words ni, d0nt wanna wake up al0ne anymore, still believe in u’ll walk to my d0or,bla2?”

Me:
“Er… tajuk dia “Don’t wanna wake up alone anymore” – the corrs

Me:
“Itu saje ke?”

Yana:
“Oh.ic…thank u.lagu tu sgt sweet.i wish i c0uld dedicate that s0ng to er..s.0.m.e.0.n.e. =)”

Me:
“Well that someone would be very lucky”

Yana:
“Sure he is. Ahma idimah rima =)”

Me:
“Macam orang Siam aje… mana u kutip dia?”

Yana:
“Haha.siam eh.i xtau mana kutip dia.i geledah k0tak hati i hari tu,lama xkemas.terjumpa plak itu w0rang”

Rest in peace Yana. I’ll strive to be a better man…

Gone

2011-01-11T22:32:00.001+08:00

She made me smile again…

I’m taking my leave now. May all of you find happiness

Those lil’ miracles that make us smile

2011-01-10T19:11:00.004+08:00

Bought this laptop in early 2008, at that time, I was the webmaster of ntv 7.

Ever since buying this laptop, the companies that I’ve worked for keep giving me laptops to use (no complaints here!), so this laptop was left to gather dust after it failed to boot up somewhere late 2009 or early 2010.

Almost two years later, the office laptop crashed on me. Not knowing what to do I spotted this laptop in my house. With a little bit of prayer, and a little bit of wishful thinking, I hit the ‘on’ button…

A whir, a sputter, and 168 updates later, this laptop is now even more powerful than the one my current office gave me (its a HP too).

So here’s to small miracles that make us smile from time to time.

Makan-makan @ Kota Kemuning

2011-01-09T12:05:00.001+08:00

Thanks to those who dropped by for some cool nasi Rawon.

My toys

2011-01-08T00:24:00.000+08:00

Just chillin’ @ Kota Kemuning

2011-01-04T21:40:00.001+08:00

Spending some time with my nieces, nephew and brother while winding down from the day’s work.

Day two resumes tomorrow, I’ll snap some pics from KLPac and post it up if I get the time.

Someone got a new phone

2011-01-03T18:02:00.002+08:00

As if they knew I just got barred from Maxis today. My office (yeah, like it’s a person) gave me my own direct SIP phone. Look it! It displays my name, fuyoo…

Sorry to disappoint those who thought I got a Froyo or something. That'll come soon enough! XD

Owh, and you can get the number from my Facebook info tab.

Bumai meeting @ Kota Kemuning

2011-01-02T23:32:00.003+08:00

Thanks to those who came, and thanks to those who helped out. =)

Good food, good laughs.

2010: 365 of mirrors 101

2010-12-30T21:09:00.002+08:00

Clock is 365 return. Two equals above I 365 inside singularity words, that’s it: mirrors.
Exactly.

“A simple letter here, a simple number there, a simple symbol splashed inside. What do you see? What do you see? What your mind chooses for you to see. See? See!”

Exactly.

3 years suckers. Imagine 3 more. I told ya, I told ya, I told ya.

From nothing to something. Mission accomplished – capish?

Here’s to a great 2011, living the 30s life as if in heaven.

#GoFigure.

Adios.

Remember and comprehend

2010-12-18T09:24:00.001+08:00

Final say on the matter:

Remember what you told me to do about your life, your love, and your future. I did it because of you, I did it for you, not me. Comprehend that. Comprehend that I warned you. Comprehend that I didn't want to do it. Comprehend that I hate being hard. Comprehend that even by being hard as oppose to nice, you haven't achieved a single thing. Apologize for being hard, apologize for failing you. But there's no helping those that won't help themselves. Tough love is hard, but not as hard as seeing you go to waste.

#GoFigure.

Happy birthday Rorons!

2010-10-26T14:18:00.006+08:00

Today we celebrate the birthday of one of my long time friend and expert emo-er, Idzrona Azrani. (Kidding!)

It’s been exactly 5 month I’ve been waiting to post this blog. Ever since my own birthday, I was itching to get back to her for all the name calling she gave me since I turned the big three-zero. So I guess this is payback time!

What can I say about this friendship that hasn’t already been said? Others feel that we argue too much, and hence they come to a conclusion that:

We should get together
We should not befriend each other

Polar opposite opinions ay? But what they don’t realize is that this friendship isn’t based on fake smiles and fake laughter. Nor is it a friendship where we just comfort each other with sweet talk.

Quite the contrary, our friendship is based on improving each other. We both know we don’t need friends who are just there to make us feel better, we both know we need a friend to remind us that there’s always room for improvements, and that “accepting a person for who they are” is just another word for saying “I’m too lazy to improve”.

Well Rorons, it’s been an EYE-WIDENING experience being your friend, sharing your grieves and laughter. We may argue every other day, but it’s those same arguments which makes us better and closer as friends; and long may it continue.

On you special day, I wish you all the best, and may all your wishes come true. But don’t be too disappointed if they don’t, cause you know what, those things that God haven’t given you, will come when you’re ready and deserving.

I couldn’t have asked for a better friend, and believe me when I say, all those harsh things that I said (and there’s plenty of those) were to help you improve, the same thing you do for me, cause at the end of the day, we all need to improve who we are.

One final note.

On my birthday, Rorons wrote a beautiful piece for me on her blog, and deleted it the next day. Let the reason for that deletion be unknown, but being a former hacker, here’s a surprise for just for you:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RORONS! MUCH LOVE.

Thank you for being a friend Rorons!

From your friend,

Adios~!

Song stuck in my head

2010-10-22T17:19:00.004+08:00

It’s Friday, and my writer is on a half day leave, bringing his 15 year old cousin out for a good time, and I’ve settled all that needs to be settled before I retire for the week.

Bored, with nothing to do, I’d though I’d share something not quite interesting but relevant, to me at least.

This morning I woke up with a classic Malay song in my head, I’ve been humming it the whole day, but unfortunately I can’t find the song-title/lyrics/video and/or original artist online. I’m guessing my dad, and his clique would know, but Its way too unimportant to start making overseas calls just to get the facts on this one.

The only thing I can remember correctly is that it starts off with the vocalist reading the address of a certain lady that sent him a letter, and if I’m not mistaken, the address is somewhere in Negeri Sembilan.

“Wahai sayangku, mengapa membisu…”

That was the line that’s been playing again and again in my head. I’m sure half of you are saying “I know that song! Ahh! But I can’t remember!!”, chill dude, that’s what I went through just before lunch. Believe me it’s much harder when you have it looping in your head while you’re trying to figure it out!

But having this song in my head does have a positive spin on it.

It brought me back to London, when I was around 8 or 9, and I remember my dad driving his Volvo with my mum next to him, and my brothers and I in the back seat.

Back then, school was so far away, so far away indeed that sleeping during the drive there was like having a second bed time in the morning. At least, that was my perception, I have no idea how far it is even to this very day.

Anyways, this particular memory was of dad being angry with all the drivers in London, and mum was her usual self just staring out the window, and my brothers were asleep. The only reason I wasn’t asleep was because every morning, dad would play a certain Malay cassette. Most of the time it was Sudirman (hence me being a big fan of the late great entertainer) but on this particular day, he swapped it out for a cassette containing some of his favourite tracks, including the one stuck in my head.

“Adakah ini… Rindu padamu, rindu padamu!”

And with that 2 minute memory, I find myself smiling behind this laptop.

Yes, it was a beautiful time back then, my parents would say life was difficult at that time, but for a kid feeling safe in a car with his whole family, and fighting back sleepiness just to watch his dad enjoy his morning playlist, it was a welcomed throwback to a life I once loved.

Hopefully I’ll be able to re-create something similar for my kids.

Hell, even half of it would be amazing.

Adios~

P/S – Celebrating dad’s 59th birthday. Happy birthday Ayah!

My dad’s joke while waiting for dinner at Red Lobster

Steady now, go slow

2010-10-12T14:49:00.006+08:00

Decisions are the basis of life to some, each decision we make, will carry us down a certain path which will lead to a certain situation where you will have to make another decision to either sink or swim.

It hasn't been an easy few months from me, from personal issues, to family issues to work related issues, it's amazing how down I felt just a few weeks ago, but now, I can confidently say, that I'm almost back. Almost...

During these 'difficult' times, I found it hard to communicate with anyone about the situation that I am in. And needless to say, some of my friends walked away, and I don't blame them for that.

Simply put, they couldn't understand what I was going through, and at the same time, I couldn't find a way to explain to them because the situation was one I've never experienced before.

But my call for help was answered by those older than me, and thanks to them, they made me realize that there is something going on inside of me, and if not taken care off, it will affect my well being.

I know, it sounds like something out of a fantasy book, but hey, I have the MISFORTUNE of having to go through it in my life time. I knew I was never going to be the average person with average problems and average life, but this isn't the 'difference' I was looking for, but hell, life is unfair, and I've got to roll with the punches and make sure I come out on top.

This isn't going to be easy, so I'm praying hard and I hope some of you will pray for me too, if anything...

This is a call for help.

Adios~

#GoFigure.

This one is for you

2010-10-07T16:40:00.008+08:00

10 things I'll never forget about you:

Your 'Muttley' laugh
The way you pray and doa for us everytime we say goodbye (Siap hempus dahi lagi)
The story of how the doctor found a rusted wire in your leg that was a few feet long (How can you not know it was ever there?!?)
How you woke your grandchildren up by sticking 'lidi penyapu' in their ear (A narrow bamboo stick taken from a 'bamboo stick broom')
The line you gave when you heard techno music in my car: "Atok che' nak menari pun tak tau macam mana ni"
The 'bullet' hole in the lower part of the back of his neck (Never really knew what it was, and he always said it was because he was shot during the Japanese occupation)
His white hair (I have never seen him with diffirent coloured hair all my life)
They way he loved his local mosque (Sakit2 pun nak gak pergi berjemaah kat masjid)
The way he took off his false teeth to scare some of my younger cousins (and his Muttley laugh added in)
The size of his shlong! (He made a mistake of sitting on the top step of his old home while me and my elder brother were sitting across him on the floor)

Much love from your grandchild, and this one grandchild is already missing you.

Al-Fatihah...

Taking it slow and easy - The lesson learnt when trying to do the right thing professionally.

2010-09-23T10:47:00.007+08:00

I've been a go getter, a chaser, basically someone who goes out and gets what he wants without waiting for no one, while at the same time, trying to get there before anybody else. Basically, speed matters to me.

But I guess not anymore.

Nowadays I can't really be arsed to go full throttle and beat the rest. Yeap, I'm very competitive, so competitive in fact, that those that I beat, usually revert to underlined tactics and backstabbing.

Hey, I'm not making this up, it has happened twice in the last three years.

I guess when I really think about it, I find that in this country, Malaysia, if you do not know 'somebody', or are filthy rich, then you're a fair target for those that do know 'somebody, and are filthy rich.

Cables, nepotism, cronism is the norm in every aspect of life in Malaysia, be it in professional work, in politics, even in friendship. If you do not offer anything soon, you're quickly shown the 'door'.

I've always maintained that working in Malaysia requires exceptional skills, anybody in the workforce would have to have these pre-requisite to survive:

Ass kissing
Knows a Dato' or Tan Sri
Have millions in US$ (preferably overseas)
Physically attractive

If you're missing any of these traits, then I recommend you to go look for work elsewhere.

Not only are we needed to embed these negative traits into ourselves, our bodies and our souls, we are also 'expected' to smile and say "life's a peach" when in fact, each and everyone of us, can barely save RM300 per month.

As my father once reminded me, "It's not about how much you make, it's about how much you save."

But with the current situation in the Malaysian workforce, with pay getting less and less as companies look for cheap labour which is abundant in Malaysia, and essentials getting more expensive by the day, it's a wonder how one can grow up into their retirement years and have a good life with enough to eat while still contributing to their grandchildren's college funds.

"FIGHT!" You shout.

I did, believe me, I did, on both occasions, but here lies Malaysian's best trait. (unfortunately we picked this up from the Caucasians, thinking it's the 'norm')

You see, I've always been taught to fight for what's right, hence, me being the outspoken cynic with an opinion on everything. But after pointing out those things that were just plain wrong (where even a 10 year old would know they're wrong), what was in store for me was just plain childish.

So here's a warning for all of you with a lose mouth and/or passion for the world to become a better place:

If you speak out against wrongdoings, you'd be screamed at
If you seek for clarifications on unanswered request, you'd be labeled as a mercenary
If you don't agree with the decision made by your superiors, you'd be threatened with a firing
If you try to do more and better yourself, you'd be stonewalled and branded as trying to steal someone's job.

Face it people, our country is a negative thinking country, with co-workers busy sharpening their knifes so that they can take the next step without even trying.

What to do, it's a deep embedded 'professional behaviour' that has been in place since we look at foreigners as 'experts'.

Money is the end all and be all instilled by these foreigners, be it from US, from Europe, from Australia, or even from India or China.

What disappoints me is that Malaysians don't use these acquired 'mercyless' and 'conflict' traits to overcome these foreigners and take over their jobs, no, we Malaysians prefer to fight each other and kill each other for those minimal wage jobs, thinking that these foreigners are 'gods' in what they do.

A word of advice for these foreigners and their Malaysian extensions,

One day, Malaysians, be it Chinese, Indians or Malays, will use the same divide and conquer tactics to throw you out. unfortunately, you foreigners have done a great job in making Malaysians feel inferior and useless.

Money maybe a big factor in any business, but as Malaysians, we have the responsibility of making money while also keeping the traits that make us Malaysians, such as honesty, professionalism and advancement based on merit.

And here's some basic knowledge of these 'expert professionals' for you Malaysians to ponder.

"If these foreigners are so good at what they do, why aren't they picked up by one of the biggest companies in their 'developed' countries? Surely someone with so much 'expert opinions' and 'money making techniques' can make a good living in their home country, without having headaches in handling the problems in Malaysia."

Sometimes we Malaysians use perception way too much.

I am not against foreigners, I am against foreigners who try to change the Malaysian way by saying that we as a nation are 'ill prepared' and putting us down at every opportunity.

You may intimidate others, but this Malaysian is the new breed, we KNOW we are better than you.

#GoFigure.

What are you bimbos arguing about? Get a life!

2010-09-06T16:15:00.002+08:00

Thoughts on TVC:

1. To celebrate Eid, Islamic theme is a MUST.

2. Of course the critism comes from Muslims, it's created to celebrate THEIR big day, duh!

3. Label it anyway you want, but the theme doesn't reflect EID even in the slightest.

4. Beca = Santa, Pelita = Hinduism. Raya/Eid = Ketupat/Rendang/Lemang/Duit Raya... simple as.

5. Undestand the need for 'freshness' and new ideas', but it's like saying your name is Tom, when it's Matt.

6. MUSLIMS have a right to say what is wrong based on their beliefs ON THE ISSUE OF THEIR celebrated day. So, non-muslim, shut your gob.

7. We (Malaysians) are not sensitive, we are relaying our displeasure, freedom of speech? For someone who trumpets it, you pretty much dissapoint me. @PatrickTeoh

8. Santa makan rendang sambil bagi duit raya for Christmass TVCs? OWH IS THAT 'strong reactions' I'm hearing? @Malaysian Mirror

9. Illuminati or otherwise, the ad failed in deliverying the message. Whatever the reason, it had to be shelved.

10. Brand it anyway you want to, but a failure is a failure. This ad IS A FAILURE. So why air it?

11. So you're telling me, we should air a lazy and unresearched TVC just because MUSLIMS have strong reactions towards it? Kang ban mercun time CNY/Deepavali kang...

#GoFigure.

So what's next?

2010-08-17T16:51:00.005+08:00

A long phone call to a long distance place allowed me some time to discuss myself, my weaknesses, my reasons and the static-ness of my life as of right now.

No prizes for guessing who was on the other line. The person whom I branded as my "striking cane and my supporting beam" whenever I needed either during my convocation speech which remains as one of the highlights of my short life. That person is my mother.

Lately I've been hitting a brick wall; everything I've been doing hasn't enabled me to make the next step, and talking to my beloved mother allowed me to find out exactly why.

Here's a degree holder in Software Engineering, an award winning mobile game creator, once a webmaster, once a TV producer (acting) and currently an online sports editor. Professionally I can't ask for more, I've been blessed to be given and be able to carry out many responsibilities that entail all my interests, and although starting off the block later than most of my peers, I can say that professionally, I'm proud of what I've achieved at this age.

But there's a stifling sensation that's somewhere in my mind, a sensation which is chewing increasingly rapidly at my conscience, and if that feeling was to be translated to words, is would say that it's time to let go of chasing that professional heaven and start working on the essence of my being, my soul.

Don't get me wrong, I will always try and better myself professionally, and always looking to make my parents, if not myself, proud of my professional achievements, but there's something lacking in my life that's making me crazy, well not quite yet, but I feel it's impending if I continue down this path.

I confided in her my problems of struggling to make ends meet when it comes to 'doing the right thing', and I also told her that I've come to a place where everything around me bores me, and being a Gemini, being bored is akin to being buried alive, not sense of adventure, no sense of curiosity and no sense of spontaneity.

Travelling to far distance places and/or short distance get-aways were tried and were unsuccessful in fulfilling this void in me. April saw me go to Japan, May saw me go to Cherating, all very interesting, all very fun, made even more fun with the company of those that I consider good friends. But the amount of time, not to mention financial strain it has put on me shows me that this certainly ain't the right solution to my predicament.

For weeks after that I've tried to find other avenues to erase this static-ness in my life but to no avail. And it's because of this failure to find an 'out', I find myself frustrated, envious (at those who has a full life), and paranoid. So much so that I feel I'm being a nuisance to my friends and family to the point that I took it upon myself to not burden them with my tripe for fear of snapping at them while in this ridiculous mental and physical condition.

Like I admitted to my mum, I'm stuck in a rut. Stuck between being the 'good guy' or reverting back to being the 'sarcastic bastard' I was. Stuck in wanting to progress, but at the same time not wanting to let go of what I've had, a classic case of staying put in fear of losing what we have while chasing those that we don't.

And all this is draining me emotionally.

I need help, but without anyone around me able to understand my history and situation (A dude said it's all in my head, a dudette said it's because I'm too strict and serious), I'm forced to once again plough down this road myself.

If previously I had someone to bounce ideas off, and many more people to criticise me, suddenly I find myself with none, I also find myself on a narrow path with only two options, to keep heading forward or to turn back to where I was. There's no fork this time, yet there wasn't any fork for awhile now, and that too is one of the factors in the static-ness surrounding me.

I've deliberated both options, plough on and lose what I have for the possibility of having something better, or turn back and retrace my step and be caught in another rut called procrastination.

Either way it's not going to be simple, either way I'm going to have to be strong, and either way it's my decision to make.

After putting down the phone I sat on the balcony staring into the far horizon, which was pitch black with no stars, and I ask myself one very simple question.

"So what's next?"

If only I knew.

Go Figure.

Reflective yet empty

2010-08-01T00:38:00.002+08:00

It would be just that. Shimmering and reflecting everything, just as if it's full to the brim with substance, but yet, when one takes a closer look at it, one realizes there's actually nothing there.

You see the shine, you see the light dazzle, bouncing and streaking across the surface, and you suddenly realize, that 'thing' actually does show all. Like the things that you've been craving for all this time, so you do what's only natural to human beings, you inch closer.

But in your curiosity, you halt. For fear of being wrong. For fear of being ridiculed. You check yourself, and your surroundings, because other's perception of you matter. Only when you're sure no one is around, you brave yourself to take another step closer.

Denial hits you, it's still there, still reflective, but how can that be? You're just a few millimetres away from the surface, and yet you see the reflection still there, there must be a trick to this, you ensure yourself, and once again take a quick sweep of your surroundings. You try and touch it, with your eyes closed of course.

You feel it! calm and relaxing, a sly grin develops across your face. I've found it! I can't believe it's been here all the time! And you forget your doubts, you forget other's perception. You slowly open your eyes, hoping to match the image in your mind to the one you feel.

And your grin turns to a wide smile when you succeed in matching the two. In denial, but still euphoric with glee, you stand there, still as the night, with that smile on your face and your hands touching that 'thing'. This is it! you pronounce, and without further ado, you try and grasp it, confident that it's yours, confident that it was meant for you, confident that this is your calling in life.

As you stumble clumsily trying to secure it, others closest to you come and whisper words to discourage you. And you get confused, and you get angry at those who dare question you. How can they understand, they haven't been in this position, this is all me. If they don't like it, then be on their way, my REAL friends would want me to have this!

And you try to explain, mustering up all your energy and strength to make your arguments triumph. and your crowd soon discover there's no use in arguing, so they relent with a word of caution. You smirk, and retort by saying that you've done your homework, and you've been careful long enough. Without saying anything more, you banish them from sight.

You calm down once left alone. You take in multiple deep breathes and look down at your shoes as if the anger would slither it's way out from your body through your toes. After you have satisfied yourself and begin to regain some measure of calm, you turn back slowly to the thing you now treasure most.

But it isn't there any more. The 'thing' is still in front of you. But that reflective attribute it had that so mesmerized you has gone, and what's left is just a plain, colourless 'thing'.

Ashamed and ridiculed, you glance briefly to the direction of where you banished your crowd. You decided that the further ridicule and embarrassment would only make you feel worse. So you do the only thing that you can do.

You disappear into the darkness, in the exact opposite direction of which you banished your crowd. Not even giving that 'thing' a second thought.

And with that, you're gone.

Fake as fake can be, you utter one final word to reassure yourself.

Adios~! you said.

The difference between thinking +ve-ly versus thinking –ve-ly

2010-07-06T16:29:00.005+08:00

So today I celebrate my first year anniversary as MSN Malaysia’s sports editor. This simple fact is made even more significant since it will be the first time that I’ve stayed put in one position for longer than 365 days.

I have no complaints in life, sure, there’s curve balls sent to me every once in a while. But still, I consider myself one of the many blessed with a peaceful, serene life with no major problems, nor dark shadows following my every step.

“It’s nice to finally settle down to a job where I can excel and be comfortable at the same time.”

But if events from the past couple of weeks have taught me anything, it would have to be the simple fact that not everyone follows the same mindset, and not everyone is pursuing the same thing. Everyone has their own perception of who they’re and who they will be, but I can only venture a guess whether their objectives and perception are where they should be.

“That’s why it’s important to judge a person fully before accepting them as a friend or otherwise, it’s not being choosy or judgemental, it’s about being sensible and surrounding oneself with positivity.”

Here’s a nice story, but you may have to read it twice to understand it.

A few days back, a friend asked me a simple question: “Why so glum?” It took me by surprise because I wasn’t feeling glum, nor was I in a bad mood. I was being me, the normal (if applicable) me. It made me ponder for a bit, and out of pure confusion, I asked “What makes you say that?” to which that friend replied “Through your status update and twitter.” This made be burst out laughing so loud that the friend was a-third embarrassed, a-third confused and annoyed, a lot.

“Mula la pandang aku macam rimau pandang arnab”

Yes, I have this way of writing and delivering my thoughts in a rather challenging manner, and can be very outspoken when giving opinions, but when it comes to writing, each reader has their own perception of their intonation to the sentence.

For a positive thinking person, the stuff I write and the stuff I share on both my Facebook and my Twitter account (Blogger being a totally separate medium in which it is my private sanctuary) are actually mere points to ponder, reminders to each of us (including myself), and most of all, tongue-in-cheek rhetoric with a little wit glazed over.

But seeing it from a negative point of view, the stuff I write comes off as sarcastic, depressing and in most cases holier-than-thou. Not the intention, but it is the result nonetheless.

“Standard ar tu, Yin and Yang, Light and Dark, Evil versus Good”

I’m fine with adoration; I’m fine with criticism, both coming in equal measures throughout my still adolescence working experience. But from knowing that I can swing from being a very patriotic person to someone who keeps on questioning the current administration and back again, I’m thus labelled as fickle minded.

“Ada perbezaan antara menjadi lalang dan membetulkan kesilapan sendiri wei~”

Here’s where I tell you why I think being fickle is important living in this time and age.

Everyday we’re attacked again and again by messages that either:

Preaches us to do good
Whispers to us to do evil, or,
Tells us things that are of no relevance.

I’m not going to name which things fall under which categories. Why? Because each one of us has been blessed with free will and a thinking mind by Allah the almighty, and each one of us has different methods of thinking, and from that thinking we derive our perception and/or factual discoveries, depending on how deep we think.

“So what has a thinking mind and free will has to do about being fickle?”

It’s pretty obvious really, whenever we’re facing an option, be it in a form of choices or problems, we feel the need to engage our minds to come up with a solution, and once we have achieved that solution, we then go on taking the appropriate action to achieve that solution.

“Pretty straight forward stuff huh?”

But planning isn’t as detailed as execution. Don’t get me wrong, not planning is the worst thing anyone can do when handed a responsibility or an amanah. But by coming up with a plan, and then sticking to it rigidly will only get you stuck somewhere along the line. When the deadline is fast approaching, and the problem is persistent to not go away, that’s when you start wondering where the hell you went wrong.

And therein lays the advantage for being fickle.

The way a fickle mind operates is quite expanded and complex compared to those who are not. As I’ve mentioned above, we’re delivered three different types of messages daily, but a fickle mind sees it deeper, much, much deeper.

1. Preaches us to do good

Preaches us to do good in a good way
Preaches us to do good in an evil way

2. Whispers to us to do evil

Whispers to us to do evil in an evil way
Whispers to us to do evil in a good way

3. Tells us things that are of no relevance

Tell us things that have no interest to us
Tell us things that we already know

And just like that, a simple choice between three options has suddenly manifested itself into six choices with significant impact and varying repercussions.

“Not pretty straight forward now is it?”

Being fickle minded gives one an advantage of waiting to see the whole picture and waiting to grasp more information on the topic at hand before making a decision. It isn’t indecisiveness, its sensible thinking, cost effective as well as encompassing every eventual possibility and outcome, hey, nobody can predict the future, but we can narrow down the eventualities if we engage our minds and not our egos.

And now I hear you wondering, yes, you, the one reading this. You’re thinking:

“he’s wrong, how can being fickle – a negative trait – make someone be positive and/or successfull? Again this kid has no inkling of an idea what he is talking about. He thinks he’s better than everyone else!”

I can prove to you that what I write is the honest truth.

Just substitute the word fickle with flexibility and re-read the story again with a positive mind.

Because ‘fickle’ is the negative form of ‘flexibility’, but when one goes deeper into the core meaning, one finds that it means the same, changing one’s decision and belief in the presence of new proof and information.

Welcome to the world of positive thinking.

Now you realized that everything is not what it seems to be.

Adios~

The story all confused

2010-06-29T15:17:00.012+08:00

Now, before anyone starts guessing and assuming, I'm gonna start by saying that this isn't about any one particular person. It's just the many idiotic things I see being done around me that I just can't help but think "Are you confused or just plain stupid?"

CASE 1: The case of the cat that was branded the trouble maker

There's this beautiful cat with beautiful fur, suffice to say that every owner claims this cat to be theirs. Unfortunately for the cat, the squabbling and arguing that followed ensures that it is seen as the problematic one and through no fault of it's own, the cat is banished. Upon which, every owner shrug their shoulders and says "It was the problem, it's good that it's not here any more"

But guess what? The cat did leave, but another more beautiful cat came by, and history repeated itself. Now each owner whines that "It's the first cats problem all over again!" and thus arguing once again erupted until the cat was unfortunately killed when two owners decided to play tag-o-war with it.

Cat problems or Stupid owners?

Go figure.

CASE 2: The case of the loser that proved himself a loser

There was this kid, around the age of 18 or 19, that decided that he was man enough to do things his way, because he believed that everything that anybody did in the past were either too outdated or too complex. He believed he could have done things using the latest set up while also making the task much simpler.

For five years he went about improving his methods and creating the 'best' method so that no one else will ever have to deal with the old outdated and complex way. He didn't socialize, he didn't eat or drink except for when he needs to to keep going, and in three years, he completed his method. Which was a great accomplishment for him as he finished two years in advance.

When he revealed his method to the masses, he was laughed upon. Why? Because his methods were exactly the same as the one another kid came out with. Not only did the other kid do the same thing, it only took him two years, and to rub salt in the wound, he was also 3 years younger.

When asked how he managed to do it so quickly, the younger kid answered "By reading the books those old people gave me and by improving each aspects bit by bit"

Think you're cleverer than everyone?

Go figure.

CASE 3: The case of the damsel in distress

A 'damsel' is in trouble, and in no time at all, hundreds upon hundreds of 'prince charming' are at the base of the castle, all ready to fight to the death of what the 'evil one' has in store for them, with the hope that once they succeed, they will win the heart of the said damsel.

So here we have hundreds of fine gentlemen going into 'battle' for a beautiful lass that 'promises' the world. And the shameful thing is, these gentlemen will go against one another once the 'evil one' has been dealt with.

And after all the fighting and killing and violence, the damsel is happy that her 'man' has turned himself into an animal just for the sake of 'saving' the damsel, and 'claim' to live happily ever after.

What nobody ever mentions or realizes is that the men, while supposed to be the 'protector' and the 'man' has just morphed into a murderer with the damsel's approval. And yet later in life, as they get old (divorce was not an option in those days), the damsel will say that the 'man' is controlling her life and is nothing but an 'animal', while the 'man' goes on and becomes a whimp; quiet and afraid of the damsel for fear of her running off with another.

True happiness?

Go figure.

CASE 3: The case of a dude who can do no right.

"I'll support my friends, but the days of me sacrificing myself for any of them is long gone, along with my passion to have good friends around me. Now it's all about me, like I was before all this 'abg angkat' shenanigans."

Adios~

Forget my resolution, I'm gone.

2010-06-16T20:42:00.005+08:00

Why do I even bother?

Once again I'm proven correct in my belief that the more you help somebody, the more that person will take it for granted.

Among the things said and done, today was a good example of why I gave up giving in the past, and why I decided to just concentrated on myself.

Every now and then comes a soul eager to know how I do what I do, with words sweeter than fresh Sugar Cane and actions much sweeter than refined sugar.

Once I held tight to what I learnt and kept it to myself, my reasoning being, why should I care what you do and teach you what I know when you are either too lazy to learn yourself or too stupid to realize the little lessons which is all around us.

Now reality gives me a much needed slap in the face. If I was on the old chat engine mIRC, it would be with a large smelly trout.

There's only one thing I can do and that is just revert back to the old me. The same one you said was selfish and self-centred, the same one you said was evil and manipulative. I tried taking the high road, I tried changing because I thought you truly wanted to learn, not from me, but together with me.

Unfortunately, you just want me to do the grunt work while you enjoy the fruits of my labour.

Cukupla setakat ini. Ko dah cukup hebat untuk jaga diri ko sendiri.

I shared all your problems, I helped you overcome it, and I helped you become so good at what you do that you forget who you are and where you come from.

If there's anything I hate, it's people who don't appreciate what is given and done for them.

If it was just words of encouragement, I wouldn't be fuming like this. But it involves time, it involves emotions, it involves me putting myself in the firing line while you improve yourself, but most disgusting of all, it cost money, a hell lot of money.

I've never been the one to demand anything in return, all I ask is that you do right by us and play it forward, even that you failed to do.

Now, I've had enough.

Now I'm just going to sit back and just enjoy seeing you struggle. You deserve to struggle. God works in mysterious ways, and what goes around, comes around, and very soon you will see what I say is true.

Simply said, I'm done, and I'm disappearing,

And just like that,

I'm gone.

*Puff*

Adios~

It's getting quiet now.

2010-06-06T20:38:00.003+08:00

Another cycle finishes, and all that's left is for me to clean up.

It's the usual thing lah. Not knowing anything about everything, and trying like a hard-up booze addict on his third month of abstinent. Everyone knows how hard it is, but no one ever mentions it for fear of taboo.

The usual questions from anyone that asks me anything is usually this: "How do you know?"

I'm not a fortune teller, nor am I a sceptic. Yes, I may not believe in fairy tales, but that' simple. Along with Santa Claus and all his baggage, fairy tales are just tales told to us by others (usually older) with the simple hope of giving us just that; hope.

Nothing more.

But we don't stop searching for it do we? Unlike Santa Claus that was regarded as an "Old man's lie", we continue pursuing fairy tales because it's something which is still to be proven as a lie. Or so we hope. (See, those who told you the story has already given you 'hope')

Everyone is unique in their own little ways and in their own ways of upbringing.

Given the statement above, one would think that the best way of being a friend is by accepting those differences and (quirkiness) for what they're: The difference that make them who you are.

But once again, the taboo of 'friendship' flies off in a wild tangent.

Why? Because we want those who we call "friends" to agree with us no matter what, to support us no matter what, to agree with us no matter what, and to stand by us no matter what. But did you stop and ask yourself if what you're asking from your friend is beneficial in any way?

Isn't that just wishful thinking and a sure fire path to disagreements and conflicts?

The way I see it:

A friend should be the first to support us IF it's warranted, if not, they should withdraw that support.
A friend should agree with you IF you're correct, if not, they should say so.
A friend should stand by us no matter what IF you're in the right, if not, they should abandon you.

Now that's friendship.

Hey, I do it too, hence why I'm discussing it here on my blog. But if you're of the many that say... nay... think that my blog is my own little place to blow my own trumpet, then my boy (or gal), you're sadly mistaken.

I've said it time and time again. This is my SANCTUARY, my little space where I'm free of judgement and perception to just DISCUSS or POINT OUT those things that stray my way once in a blue moon.

Don't take exception for the stuff I post here, because let's face it. Only those with an open mind can genuinely grasp what I pound on the keyboard and post up on cyber-ville.

So, where do we go from here?

Are we to just abandon our life-long perception of friendship, up root our beliefs (since they're taboo) and just be forever directed by the morality compass that just points north?

What fun is there in that? Fair question.

Which brings me to the question: "Who said life was about fun?"

Perhaps for you atheists out there. You believe there's no God, no resurrection (some believe in reincarnation.) and no judgement day. You life is filled with things that you feel are true and right, and you claim all your principles not as God-given, but independently acquired through the lessons of life.

Not a bad way to live ay? But I don't think you're on the given task.

You argue that 'being good' is instilled into us naturally by mother nature. May I ask you who mother nature is? Evolution? Yes, I don't deny it, species do adapt to surroundings, just look at humans. We lived in cave, but yet now, we live in condos and lots. Evolution at it's prime.

You may argue that I'm wrong, but look at it this way. Birds, Monkeys, basically all animals adapt their physical being to their surroundings. But with the gift of a thinking mind given to humans by God, humans 'evolve' by adapting their surroundings to their physical being.

Need an example?

When men roamed the dessert, men didn't just sprout longer legs and hoofs and started growing bushier eye-brows. What men did was cover himself with yards and yards of clothing, strap some leather on the back of a camel, and rode it all around. Evolution with a brain. Give it a try.

But again, I ask the question. Who told us to have fun?

And for that, I still have no answer.

Hopefully, one day, God willing, I'll have the answer to that question. Until then, here's a few quotes to ponder...

"This could be nothing, but I'm willing to give it a try"

"Prepare for the worse but hope for the best"

"Don't run from your problems, you're only making it worse by delaying it"

"Don't let go, it's too hard. Just move on and bring with you the memories"

"If at first you don't succeed, try another way"

"You don't have time to regret your mistakes, the next one is just around the corner"

"Don't be timid to say your mind. if you're right, you'll know, if you're wrong, you'll know"

"The stupidest questions are those never asked"

"Don't ignore your mistakes, own up and take appropriate action"

"For every bad thing happening in your life, someone else IS going through worse"

"Don't worry about not being satisfied with what you have, it shows you've got drive"

"Fight for your principles and belief, it makes you unique and one-of-a-kind"

and finally,

"Don't be selfish, you're not a fisherman."

Adios~

The responsibilities of being responsible

2010-05-23T19:07:00.004+08:00

Once again I feel like just pounding away on the keyboard, and once again I will. The difference being, this is my last post in my twenties. Work and other responsibility will see to that. I am certain.

Two years has past since the episode which saw me show the ugly side of my personality. Two years I had to swallow my pride and just take a step back in order to figure out what is truly important in my life, and what is truly important to my career.

Decisions were made, and followed through. Some of them easy choices, such as putting a stop to loitering at mamak stalls across Klang Valley until the wee hours of the morning. Some were difficult, like letting go of someone that you like very much (as a friend) because you know that person is holding you back and/or using you as a 'friend'.

Whether it was the right decision remains to be seen. But what can not be ignored is that the decision has been made, and whatever happens is my responsibility because I made the decision. Once again its the responsibilities of being responsible that nudged me to the decisions I have made.

It's not hard. It's actually quite easy. But I will admit that it takes a lot of willpower to bend your yearnings and focus them towards something that's beneficial. Willpower, as with focus, as with attention - to a extended period of time - is actually something quite hard for me to do.

And it's for the simple fact of being born in May.

True to my sign, I find I get myself easily bored when I am supposed to focus on what is in front of me. As a result, it tends to delay my output or it affects the quality of my work. But given time and experience, This is something I'm looking forward to improve.

Distractions are plenty. Just a simple "ping" can set all the focus and attention gathered, drop like a hat. Distracted and bored, I have a tendency of chasing that which is new, that which I've never experienced before.

Improving one self is a difficult task on it's own. Therefore, the natural thing to do was to find a few souls also wanting the same thing. Wanting to find out what they're truly capable of, wanting to see where their potentials will bring them. But in my task to find souls like that, I am greeted with an arching eyebrow and wide round eyes.

But that didn't mean there was none. One or two saw the benefits in doing this, and thus continued to follow on the path to self-enhancement; Although each had different reasons in doing so.

Wednesday marks the end of my personal little project.

It brings with it a simple comforting feeling. That I've done everything I can to ensure that the project is a success. But it's because of the focus that I've been forcing myself to adhere to the past few years that I'm feeling nervous and shaking like a leaf.

Not for fear of the wrong decisions. I've taken my time with them, and took action only when the time was right. Yes, there was a few misjudgement here and there, and a few delayed reactions (due to the aforementioned lack of focus), but in the end I'm nervous because I'm afraid it was all inadequate.

I've never regretted any decisions I've made. Because I believe that regretting is a waste of time. Whatever 'curve balls' life throws at me, I know I've got to deal with it.

And that's something that not everyone realizes.

Life will always throw you 'curve balls', so stop complaining, stop whining, stop asking "why me?" or "why not me?" and deal with it.

And I do, well. I attempt. With varying degree of success.

But now, like all decisions taken by a muslim, I am left to just pray that it was all adequate, accurate and awesome. Tawakal is one of my greatest friends as of now.

For those reading who has no idea what the hell I'm blabbering about, here's the short version:

"I've decided that the way I've lived my life in my twenties is no way a strong foundation for my life in the thirties and beyond. Just as my teens were the foundation for my twenties, I found that if I didn't change my habits, before long I'd still be playing catch-up with all those that I respect and look to emulate."

That was decided two years ago, and a few whispers to a few friends and family that would keep me on the straight path, I embarked on reshuffling, reorganizing and re-prioritizing my life; and today marks the last day of the project.

So for those hurt in the process, all I have to say is that I'm sorry, but I don't regret doing it. The easy way out of explaining it is: "because I'm just a bad guy". Hence the adoption of the term "Amir tak kisah jadik the bad guy".

Well here it is laid on a platter:

"I did what I did because I saw in no way were you supporting and/or sincere in your minimal efforts as a friend. You're very demanding of your friends and use guilt and harsh words to have your way, but alas, you expect your friends not to expect anything from you. "Terimalah aku seadanya" is your mantra. You have no motivation to improve or do better. Your actions portray you as the victim, but if you ponder the real factors involved, hopefully you'll see the errors of your greedy ways. My principle is simple, If I care about you, I'll call you out on your errors, cause, let's face it, that's what friends do. But if I don't care about you, then I'll ignore you and your silly ways as I'm not going to waste my time supporting a 'friends' that can't be bothered to support me."

Yeah, it might be a bit quiet after this, but that's a 'curve ball' I'm going to have to deal with myself, cause I'm damn sure you aren't going to help me with it. But what do I know is that as long as I've got the support of those that matter, I really don't care what happens to you.

I've done this to explain to you, as I've wished you'd explain to me, and now, may you continue in your ways or try and improve. It doesn't matter. What really matters to me right now is my own success, and that success can only be gauged in five to ten years time.

I might fail, but at least I tried. No one can deny me of that. If the effort is adequate, then the reward would be adequate as well.

And that is all I'm wishing for; A nice adequate, balanced, serene life.

Farewell masterblaster80 v2.0

Adios~

Final advice from my twenties for the final days of my twenties and beyond.

2010-05-20T12:53:00.003+08:00

Shiela on 7 - Jalan Terus

"Hidup memang tak semudah

Waktu kita muda dulu

Panas dingin tak bisa diterka

Strategi hidup bertahan

Dari seleksi sang alam

Hidup memang tak seindah

Waktu kita muda dulu

Umur terindah pasti kan berlalu

Strategi hidup bertahan

Dari seleksi sang alam

Panas dingin tak bisa diterka

Tapi apapun yang terjadi

Akan kujalani

Akan kuhadapi dengan segenap hati

Walau ku terluka

Memang ku terluka

Tak pernah ku lari dari semua ini

Belum waktunya kita berhenti

Jangan cepat puas kawan

Bekerja dan terus bekerja

Hingga saat kita tak berguna lagi

Maka apapun yang terjadi

Akan kujalani

Akan kuhadapi dengan segenap hati

Walau ku terluka

Memang ku terluka

Tak pernah ku lari dari semua ini."

Who's walking on sunshine?

2010-04-18T14:01:00.003+08:00

Wow! Just, Wow! It's been a tremendous few weeks for me so far and the icing on the cake was Spurs' London derby double against 'Le-Scum' and 'Da-spoilt-ones'.

Being a Spurs supporter, deprived of ecstatic moments of glory on a regular basis, the victory brings a freakish 'Joker' grin on my face.

"Lucky for all of you then. Seriously, it's freaky"

Earlier in the month, I went back to Japan, Ekhsan in tow, just to touch base with my parents. It was going to be a hectic second quarter, so I decided, before I was branded as a bad child, I should pay homage to them.

Thus I went.

It was fun, relaxing and in Ekhsan's case, eye opening. But one thing I'll tell you is that it's no fun going for a thrill ride with this dude. He's just so... shall we say, "deep-in-thought"? when we went on the Blue Falls ride, and I think he misses the whole point of 'thrill rides'.

Getting on a plane home with him wasn't much fun either. Impatient bastard just couldn't be patient for seven hours. 'Restless with frustration borne from boredom' would be the correct term.

"Relax, relax. The rest of the time you were great dude. It was a fun week."

From there it was back to work, back to routine.

It took me a while to get back into my groove, and within a week, all the MSNers had their evaluation. Some were happy, some were not, some were content, some were, well, not content la.

But we're all taking it positively, er, I should say I am, I can't speak for the others, but they seem happy enough.

New direction, new motivation, refreshed body, refreshed soul. I was ready to rock and rumble.

Then Spurs lost in the F.A. Cup.

Yeah, it was disappointing to the point that one could almost slit one's ear off. 20 + shots on target, and no goals. I remember feeling that night that 'this is Tottenham - what's so surprising'.

Then in true Spurs fashion, they showed me what it meant. Glory glory style. Original.

Not only did we win against Le-Scum and Da-Spoilt-Ones; but we did by playing it our way, and true to our adopted philosophy, we didn't just win, we won with glory.

"To win in glory. How about to LIVE in glory"

I should give that a try.

Lately I've been feeling resentment for a few people that I feel are totally... to use the street lingo, 'plastic' in being a friend. And while thinking out what my options were, I was given a jolt of free advice by a person who hardly knew me at all.

The message, or 'free advice' from this stranger read somewhere along the lines of "Don't be judgemental on others" amongst other things.

It came as quite a surprise, but after a while I thought that this person must be mistaken because:

- This person doesn't know me.

Therefore this person is judging me.
Therefore this person is a hypocrite.

- If this person does know me.

This person doesn't realize that my trust is to be earned, not given.
This person thinks I somehow have a problem in life.

Truth of the matter is. My life is glorious, and I have Allah to thank for that. Not anyone else.

But I will take your 'words of wisdom' and remember not to judge anyone. Lay rested that your words are true, and I will try not to judge. I will however, maintain my god given right to choose who I befriend, and whom I trust.

Either way, I'm taking it in glory.

Note to self:

"It's not about how good you are. It's about being better than who you are. It's not about what people says of you. It's about what your loved ones say of you. It's not about maximizing profit. It's about maximizing motivation. It's not about how people make you feel. It's about how you make other's feel. It's not about your words. It's about your actions."

And finally,

"It's not being one of the herd. It's being the unique one. Even if it means being a freak."

Adios~

Memories of my quirkiness

2010-03-16T17:43:00.009+08:00

There are some things that just makes you feel like punching a brick wall.

And today it's one of those days for me.

There's a reason why I always seem to be laid back and unfazed by all that is happening around me. The simple reason being, I saw it coming.

Don't get me wrong, I can't predict the future, but I do observe. My observation skills has been horned since I was very young. Very young indeed.

So young that I remember sitting on a green carpet, exhausted from crawling all over the house, and the first thought that entered my mind was this:

"If I sit in the middle of this carpet, and do this face, maybe I'll get some milk."

When I was about 23, I asked my mum about this, and she said it was one of my regular 'tactics' for attention. My mum then asked how is it that I came to ask this, and I said it was all from my memories.

My mum looked at me and said:

"You were barely a year old and we lived in Keramat. How can you remember that?"

Another example.

I remember sitting on a newspaper while my elder brother was trying to read it. Looking at the clock I continued irritating my elder brother while thinking "Ayah's home"

Sure enough, my dad came through the door, looked at me, and I just blurted out "Hi"

My dad was a Masters student at USC during that time, my age, just below two years old.

What surprised me was not the fact that I remembered all these, but the fact that If I paid full attention to my surroundings, I'll always be able to anticipate those everyday routines.

Years later, (actually, right after talking to Ibu about the 'milk' incident), I decided that maybe I'm blessed with something, or perhaps I've stumbled upon something that most do not have the privilege to feel.

What I did realize though, was that with this ability to observe and break-down variables, I'm much better at making critical decisions and defusing potential conflicts.

Earlier in my teens and school years, I've always excelled at problem-solving. Be it Maths (my favourite subject), Accounting, Quizzes, or Newsletter editing, it was all about assessing the obstacles and creating solutions that would best serve all parties concerned.

Although I didn't realize it at the time, I was already focused on being the man with the solution. Something I like to believe my previous boss liked about me. I would always go to him for any problems I was facing, and tell him what choices I have and tell him which choice I would pick.

From then on, he'd just sit back and support me. In the end, the problem not only ceased to become a problem, but has in fact turned around into an opportunity for those around me.

I preempt anything bad, and make my choices based on the facts in front of me. If my choices are wrong, I would retrace everything, put my hands up, and try again, even though I find that doing the same work over again is one of the most annoying things in life.

My only one rule? Logic. None of this fantasy stuff, just plain simple logic.

But with all the observation and thinking I do, It really is about processing those very same thoughts and storing or removing them form my small brain.

Let's face it, the average human uses about 4% of his brain. Me? With all my vices and a penchant for unhealthy living? perhaps 2%? However small it is, my brain is, and will always be, where everything happens.

There're many times when I just sit down at the end of the day and think about the days events, the stresses and the solutions to those problems I faced earlier in the day. This time alone by myself is what I call my 'downtime'.

Here is where I just pick a place, maybe my bedroom, maybe my living room, or maybe in my car while I just drive wherever my thoughts bring me to.

Driving, or 'cruising' as I like to call it is my favourite 'downtime' scenario. The furthest I drove was from my home (at that time) in Sri Kembangan, all the way to Lumut, Perak. The reason? I just needed to know which part of a battle ship the anchor is positioned, left or right? Port or starboard.

Therein lies my weakness. An inability to stop doing something until I'm satisfied that I have obtained all the information needed to solve that problems or at the very least give my mind a rest. Sometimes, it takes a few months for me to satisfy this thirst for information.

Earlier this month, I decided that I can't be the only person like this. Because, in my 29-odd years of living, I have failed to find another person with the same quirkiness. And true to my behaviour, I dropped everything and started to research.

Not to research other people, but to research myself.

After reading all of them, and ditching some of them, I've finally come to a point where I'm able to say, I'm normal. There's more people like me out there. Not a lot (only 6%), but it's sufficient for me to be satisfied that I am indeed a 'normal variation of homo-sapiens'.

My Personality:

ISTP (Introverted Sensing Thinking Perceiving)

My personality traits:

Dominant: Introverted Thinking

Auxiliary: Extroverted Sensing

Tertiary: Introverted Intuition

Inferior: Extroverted Feeling

For more ISTP info:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ISTP_(personality_type)

Now I'm well equipped to strengthen my strengths and eradicate my weakness. Are you?

Here's to a happy and stress-free thirties!

Adios~

Randomness

2010-02-03T22:19:00.001+08:00

An entire post dedicated to emptying my brain of all the random things in my head.

“Penuh sangat dah ni, nak kena perah sekejap”

Let’s start with life. Well, life is great if I’m being honest. Reconnecting, resetting re-establishing are all parts of being an acquaintance. We’re all busy aren’t we? With so many things to be done, it’s important to keep touch with those that matter.

Don’t quote me on that, that was the gist of a casual chat between a middle child and his father. Father’s quite stressed these days worrying about his sons, and it’s hard to persuade someone like my father that everything is indeed alright.

“I guess it’s a natural father-ly thing”

Mom on the other hand, can’t seem to keep quiet about me not getting married. Never in my wildest dream had I thought that it would come to this. But with younger brother just graduated and starting work at Accenture, she’s pretty busy herself.

“Thank god for that!”

It must be pretty nervous for younger brother, he’s pretty much solid, but can choke a bit when under the cosh. One thing for sure, he has a tendency to always raise to the occasion.

“Adoi, why do I get the feeling he’s reading this and thinking something completely off tangent!”

Looking back at my first day, I was nervous too, but at the same time determined to make up for lost time. It’ll be different for younger brother, as he seem to be progressing earlier than average.

Big brother on the other hand got his hand on a… Shall I say, toy? He swore me to secrecy on this one so that’s as much as I go on this topic.

“Triangle, ex, square, circle, =P”

So everything’s pretty much looking on the upswing on the family front, a far cry from this time last year when it was hard for us to meet each other.

“I wonder who’s fault is that…”

One ‘family’ member did leave me last month though, my beloved Kancil.

Due to younger brother’s need, I decided to forego my first love and pass it on so that someone else can enjoy the loyalty that ‘silent-silver-assassin’.

“Take care of it, and it will take care of you well. Believe me when I say, that car has a soul. =)”

Things have truly changed, haven’t they?

Adios~

P/s – A special shoutout to Kak Zah who sent a lovely FB message while I was writing this. =)

Third Decade

2010-01-08T15:33:00.002+08:00

My first post for 2010, this should be fun!

This year I will be 30. Well, not actually in a year, but in 5 months rather. Unlike past birthdays, I didn't particularly care about the age I was, but its a bit different this time.

"No, no. I'm not sentimental. Just a bit spooked. if that's the correct term."

I realize that with every passing year, I end up not having enough time, the days grow shorter, and the hours even more so with each blow of a lit birthday candle.

"Agaknye betul jugak la kata-kata native American, yang kata sedikit roh kita diambil setiap kali gambar kita ditangkap. Mungkin jugak, setiap tiupan lilin birthday menjadikan hari kita semakin pendek?"

Think of it. Remember when you were young and birthdays seemed to last a really long time. Now it's like, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! then, *POFF* over.

But one thing's for sure. The Malaysian tolerance levels has certainly plummeted. So much for 1 Malaysia. Say something now, and more and often than not, you'll have 15 different political bodies, 291 "experts", 499 "citizens", tell you you're wrong, just because it's a "sensitive issue". Ignorant twats.

Tolerance, my friends, tolerance.

A scene from The Big Bang Theory:

Mrs. Cooper:

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion

Sheldon Cooper:

But evolution isn't an opinion, it's fact!

Mrs. Cooper:

And that is YOUR opinion!

"Who says there's no lesson in TV?"

I guess years of peace has gone to Malaysians' head. They're so hell bent on getting at each other that they forget that underneath it all, we all are bones, blood and flesh. We all came from Adam, and we all are the servant of Allah.

Forget the hate, forget the difference. Tolerate the needs of others and appreciate those exact same difference.

And all is beautiful again in this world.

Which brings me to my goals. Yes, it's been 3 years since my last milestone check, and it's time to check on if I have achieved them. Good news to report, as all goals have been achieved, and has been so since a year or so back. Well, not all goals. There is one which I didn't manage to achieve. But then again, it was probably for the best. What's that one goal?

"Kawin la, apa lagi"

But, as I keep telling my parents, the time will come when I find someone who I feel like dedicating my life to. But not every one we want to dedicate our lives to wants us to; and sometimes, those who wants us to dedicate ourselves to them don't quite get it. So it's pretty complex stuff, and being a simpleton, I just can't be arsed to play the game.

"Sumpahan 6 tahun! Haha! If only I believed in such bullshit. Tapi takpe, itu pendapat orang. Kalau jadik pun, sekurang-kurangnya, dosa aku diampun, insyaAllah"

My goals for the next 3 years.

This is what spooked me. I basically have pretty much no idea. Others are like, buying a house, or buying a car, or getting married, or starting a family, or starting an investment.

Basically those were the goals 3 years ago, so what do I do now? I guess I've been concentrating on achieving those goals that I forgot to make some long term goals. I guess I was just in a hurry to catch up with my peers after wasting my time away in college and uni. Don't get me wong, I am eternally grateful for being in my position in life. I'm comfortable, (almost) stress free, and enjoying work and life.

But being a person who just can't sit still for too long, I've got to get my sights on a something before I start procrastinating again. The last time I procrastinated, I ended up being a 27 year old graduate, with an inferiority complex to those my same age. And it took be a further couple of years before I was really comfortable with people my age again. I really don't want that to happen again.

So here's one to start it all off.

"In three years, I will have stopped my annoying habit of disappearing from my family, and friends"

That's fair enough right? But don't worry, I will still ignore your phone calls once in a while. I'm sorry! I'm not a phone person. Never have been, don't think I ever will be.

Years ago, when I was younger, I was always told off for staying longer than 5 minutes on a phone call. My mum would say

"Pakai untuk cakap bende penting aje, bende tak penting tunggu bila jumpa baru cakap."

So it's not surprising when her son grows up and ends up not really liking talking on the phone. For me, the phone is more of a gadget, and an emergency contact number for emergencies. Forgive me for not wanting to chat till three hours, while I could get other things done.

So,

Here's to 2010, and here's to the third decade of my life.

To all other 3-series would-be,

crunch time is here.

Adios~

Sitting by the beach

2009-11-21T18:24:00.003+08:00

Don't worry, this post isn't about RMSIR'09.

I finally got some time away from it all and am now just whisking the time away while I wait for the closing and prize giving ceremony.

Just lepaking here by the beach, connected to the internet, I see my friends all rambling about the rain and how heavy it is in K.L. Fortunately here in Langkawi, the weather is just perfect. Not to warm, and not too chilly either.

I've always found myself wanting to write whenever I'm near a beach, so what better way to rumble on about nothing, than to sit here by the beach, and just keep punching the keyboard until I'm satisfied.

It's that time of year again I guess, as the year draws to a close, I find myself reflecting on the blur that is 2009. Looking at the postings in my blog from 2009, I've slowed down considerably blogging. But I guess there was always a reason for me not to blog.

There is however, one issue that sticks out.

Everyone knows the story of how I left Media Prima, and I'm all for forgetting it and moving on. As was indicated by one of the entries in my blog a few month ago.

Unfortunately the same buggers who have nothing better to do than show-off their power and make other people miserable, is still continuing doing this. This time they're set their cross-hairs on a friend of mine, who by all means, can hold his/her own in production.

I plea to you, Mr. Executive Producer, and you, Ms. Executive Producer, to please, please, please stop using your perception, bias-ness and ill-informed opinions in saying something.

Yes, we all know you're in power, but that doesn't mean you have the right to dictate who one of your staff is friends with.

Why is it that you guys find it so hard to divide personal and work related issues? Why can't you just be professional and base your staff's job by the quality, time, cost-saved and ratings received.

What does it matter where your staff eats, sleeps or shit.

Here's something for all the bosses to mull about:

"If the turn-over in your department is more than 25% per 6 month, then there's something wrong with you, not your team"

That's some simple maths!

For example, a team with 5 people, if you change more than 1 person in 6 months, there's something wrong with you. Not your staff.

For example, a team of 15 people, if you change more than 3 person in 6 months, there's something wrong with you. Not your staff.

For example, a team of 100 people, if you change more than 25 person in 6 months, there's something wrong with you. Not your staff.

Easy right?

But here's the clincher,

The 25% that leaves, will tell 25% of potential replacements of how you operate and how bad you operate. Which leaves your potential replacement left at 75%. Minus the ones you "don't like" and "not your type", you're left with about 30% chance of finding a replacement.

And you wonder why it's so hard to find good able workers.

Call it karma, call it math, call it whatever you want.

But what people do know is. I super-seed you now. You're a Executive Producer, I'm a Content Manager.

I manage, you produce.

And yet, your team won't produce for you.

So, again, I plea. Lay-off or you'll regret ever messing with me and my friends.

One day I'll call you out. One day very soon. The only reason I'm not. Is because my friends still needs to eat from day to day.

That's right, I have compassion. Something you're clearing missing.

And I’m ready to set sail

2009-11-17T22:06:00.001+08:00

Tomorrow it is. The day I start my coverage of the Raja Muda Selangor International Regatta 2009 (RMSIR). Quite a mouthful isn’t it? Thank God for abbreviations.

Before I get all excited and exaggerate, I’d better point out that I’ll be spending my time mostly on the media boat or the main boat. So I won’t actually be sailing, unless. of course, I can find a way to persuade one of the captains to trust a 29-year-old-small-built-Parkinson-suspect-with-no-upper-body-strength dude. But here’s hoping!

“Perhaps I should bring some rum and get them drunk. Yeharr de matey~”

I’d like to add that the situation above is the worst case scenario, which isn’t bad if you think about it. But then again, the worst case scenario would be me falling overboard and eaten by mutant sea creatures that’s half shark half robot and still not die.

I’m obviously feeling excited. As I’m always am when I’m about to embark on a new experience, but this time there’s a small combination of anxiety and nerves.

“But to hell with it! Forward and onwards I say!”

As I pack away my necessities, clothes, shades, laptopS, and an office owned Cannon G-11, I’m reminded of what my colleague asked earlier today, “What if you need to use the bathroom?” I guess I’ll find out soon enough.

Bid me farewell and wish me luck, hopefully I’ll pull another homer on this assignment.

“To err is human, to arr is pirate. Yearrrrr~”

Tracy Chapman – Give me one reason

2009-11-10T23:34:00.001+08:00

Give me one reason to stay here and I'll turn right back around
Give me one reason to stay here and I'll turn right back around
Because I don't want leave you lonely
But you got to make me change my mind

Baby I got your number and I know that you got mine
But you know that I called you I called too many times
You can call me baby you can call me anytime
But you got to call me

Give me one reason to stay here - and I'll turn right back around
Give me one reason to stay here - and I'll turn right back around
Because I don't want leave you lonely
But you got to make me change my mind

I don't want no one to squeeze me - they might take away my life
I don't want no one to squeeze me - they might take away my life
I just want someone to hold me and rock me through the night

This youthful heart can love you and give you what you need
This youthful heart can love you and give you what you need
But I'm too old to go chasing you around
Wasting my precious energy

Baby just give me one reason - Give me just one reason why
Baby just give me one reason - Give me just one reason why I should stay
Because I told you that I loved you
And there ain't no more to say

“Poyo session continues, it’s been a while since I’ve done one. Here’s to all the girls that think I played them and then think there was something wrong with me. Here’s to you. Remember, I left because of what you did. Simple as.”

Miserable me

2009-11-07T13:33:00.001+08:00

Six-twenty-seven, mixing hell and heaven,
not sure if I’m quite there, it’s something I can’t bear.

Emotions all in check, there’s nothing that I lack,
but there’s a twisted gloom, ever present in this room.

Just. Being,
miserable. Me.

It’s just that ‘lil something, or maybe just the nothing,
I swear I’m hokie-dokie, but my mind is damn murky.

I think I might be mad, I’m definitely not even sad,
It’s just my own ‘lil way, to fill a boring day.

Just. Being,
miserable. Me.

It’s just that ‘lil something, or maybe just the nothing,
I swear I’m hokie-dokie, but my mind is damn murky.

Just. Being,
miserable. Me.

I think I might be mad, I’m definitely not gloomy sad,
It’s just my own ‘lil way, to fill a boring day…

[A reason to update my blog, :P]

The Twitter experience

2009-09-07T21:36:00.001+08:00

Yes, yes, I’ve fallen for the bait and am now a Twitter user.

It’s not like I have something against social networking websites, it’s just that I can’t be bothered to update them all the time. So I pick one which offers me the things I like, and I just ignore the others.

Until,

A simple numeric symbol gestures to me that I had unread mail from my boss in my work inbox, reading through the regular stuff, I jotted down some ideas she had for the sports channel, when I stumbled across this line:

“Also how do you feel abt a MSN MY sport twitter feed. Do you have Twitter?”

Reading that sentence, I put down my pen and looked around.

“Ah~ Shite!”

Not because I thought it was a bad idea, but because I know that I’ll be glued to Twitter for a long while just like the time I was assigned to kick start ntv7’s Facebook account.

“Ah~ ntv7 Facebook, a proud moment in my life. You start something, and everyone follows suit”

So perhaps the same findings can be used on Twitter as well as Facebook? Well, here’s a list of a simple system analysis questionnaire:

What’s the limitation of the service?
What’s the appeal of the service?
What’s the degree of customization allowed?
What’s the market demographic of the service?
What’s the purpose for signing up?

Followed by a list of requirements:

What’s the objective of the account?
What’s the concept of the account?
What’s the purpose of the account?
What’s the appeal of the account?
What’s the difference offered to stand above the competition’s account?

Of course I’m not going to explain each and every point, but suffice to say that I’m quite pleased with what I found despite the very basic and simply GUI of the service. The next step was the action plan.

Currently, the account is still a foetus but hopefully it’ll will start to really kick off in January.

Maintaining the account has been a great experience with TwitterDeck and it’s multiple account management feature, quite a blessing to people like me who has other motives than just blast personal updates on Twitter (although I’m starting to do that too!).

So overall, the Twitter experience has been quite pleasing, it’s simplicity is it’s strength and by the number of registered accounts, most people online agree with it!

“Follow MSNSportsMY for the Sports channel Twitter, and masterblaster80 for my personal twitt”

See you on Twitter,

Twitt!

Passion

2009-08-18T21:36:00.001+08:00

Nope, this isn’t some kind of love novel title that you’re about to read.

But it’s that little extra something that gets you moving and grooving in the right direction, to the right music, to the right tempo. Basically, it’s something that makes you do right. No matter how hard the choice.

“As Mel Gibson said in the movie Conspiracy Theory – Geranimo!”

Many times others have asked me “What are the two things that define you.” Not in the exact same phrase, but something similar. On every occasion I answer “Confidence, and passion”. A sly grin always appears after the statement. A moment of pure fun, watching the person trying to grasp it’s meaning. Their retort every time? “Owh, ok.”

“Confidence tu given la, niece aku yang 3 tahun pun bole jawab”

I’m not going to tell you the meaning of passion, I do not nor will not have any interest in being a dictionary, google it to find out.

“Oops, sorry, BING it to find out. Marah karang boss aku"

The weird thing is, passion is not quite the word I wanted to use. But it’s the nearest English word that describes that certain attribute in the definition of yours truly.

Pretty deep stuff eh? But, if you know me well enough and/or long enough, you’ll know I stash all my deeper insights right here. Freeing myself to be as carefree and positive in the real world.

“Swerving back on topic”

I am a simple guy, with simple goals, and simple attitude. What’s important to me, is that I spend most my time doing the things I enjoy. Sounds pretty selfish, but I refuse to let my lifetime be spent making others happy at the expense of myself.

If I like something, I spend most of my time on it. For example, I am a Facebook junkie, because I like Facebook. Simple right? That’s me. There’s my “passion” for Facebook.

“Easy? Good!”

Try putting the same mentality to my dating scene. If I like a girl, I let them know. If they decline, fine enough, if they accept, then good. Simple right? That’s me.

But once a girl starts teasing, hinting, emo-ing, that’s when I loose all interest. Because you know why? You’re asking me to play a silly game to fulfil your lack of self confidence and to compensate on the lack of attention you get. You just made it complicated, and time consuming, neither are of interest to me.

“And before you know it? Puff! I’m gone”

Apply the same mentality to my social scene. If my friends are in trouble, I help, where I can. And because of that, I expect the same level of respect from my friends. I don’t tell people what to do, because I don’t like being told what to do. Instead, I give people opinions and options, the decision is theirs to make. I can only give opinions, options and give a slight insight into what the repercussions are of each choice. Simple right? That’s me.

But my friends know this. I am not vengeful, and I have a very high tolerance level for my friends. However, everything has a limit. You pass that limit, that “simplicity” limit. Then you’re gone, you may get back, but that seldom happens. You just made it complicated, and time consuming, neither are of interest to me.

“And before you know it? puff! I’m gone”

No, I’m not a complicated person. I’m a simple person.

That’s where all of you got it wrong.

Home

2009-07-24T21:52:00.001+08:00

Suffice to say that most of you know what I have been through. So right here, right now, I’m telling you, that I have drawn a line, closed the book, and now I just want to move on.

Thus, I have taken the decision to not let what has happened affect me, and the first step in achieving that, is by not talking about it.

And I also do not wish to write about work. It’s been a fabulous couple of weeks since I joined MSN Malaysia, and I’m loving it. Who else gets to interview famed footballers and legends on their first week at the job?

“Terima kasih kepada semua yang menyokong MSN Sports Malaysia!”

But what I do want to write about is home, not just the building I’m living in, but the feeling of being at home. You know the feeling, comfortable, relaxed, un-stressful, mellow and (my favourite word right now) content.

That is exactly the place where I am at right now. Be it at home, or at the office, or even out on assignments or just hanging out, I feel comfortable, I feel relaxed, I feel stress less, i feel mellow, i feel at home.

The main reason behind this, is that everything I planned for is finally falling into place. My plan to live back in the Damansara area after years of moving around one place after another, my plan to “chase” back my years lost as a student, is now a reality, albeit with a little luck, a little sorrow, and a little humility.

“It all happened for a reason, and now God has chosen to show me His reasons”

I have now found a residence where I can truly call my home, I love the area, the people and the lack of traffic, and I feel that I’ll be living here for a while yet.

“Kalau korang tau shortcup kat area sini, mesti korang tension ngan aku.”

I have now found an occupation where I can truly excel, I love the environment, the people and the lack of red tape, and I feel that I’ll be around for a while yet.

“Kalau diaorang masih nak aku la kan…”

Now everything is in place to enable me to finally build my life into what I’ve always dreamt of. I’ve had many years paying my dues because of my past mistakes, but now, I seriously think I’ve paid my dues and now I’m ready to push on.

My next goal? To “arrive” on the media scene.

It may sound a little vain, but I really want to make a name for myself. Not for the glory, not for the fame, just so that I can prove to others, and most importantly myself, that their and my confidence in me was well founded, and with the hope that I can be a good role model for those looking at me.

Something made me grin broadly the other day, a friend of mine told me that I’m less of a bastard, less of a jerk and less of an egoistical maniac now. I wonder how big a jerk I was before this, I’m totally ignorant about that, but I respect and appreciate the gesture, and I thank you for doing your bit in making in a better person.

“Teguran paling susah nak diterima, adalah teguran sahabat sejati”

I do feel myself toning down a lot more. Perhaps it was the stress, perhaps it was the exhaustion. Perhaps it was both, but it doesn’t matter now, it’s all good.

“Gimme a woot! woot!”

My First Week As MSN Malaysia Sports Editor

2009-07-11T02:00:00.002+08:00

On a bright Monday morning, I stepped into a small lift, pressed the 9 button, and waited nervously as the lift ascended.

“Another year, another adventure…”

6th July 2009, a week earlier than scheduled, I made my debut as the sports editor on MSN Malaysia’s portal. The past few month have been a blur, and now that it’s finally settling in, I feel a sense of contentment.

A few years ago, I realized that I wasn’t the type to want everything under the sun, and to this day I still maintain that feeling. I don’t want to be filthy rich, I don’t want to be a powerful or influential person. I know that true happiness was when we had balance in our life, my father drilled this into me, and now I understand exactly why.

“Contentment is serenity, serenity is what I’ve been searching for”

The first day was totally weird, I just felt so lost and stupid sitting around these accomplished writers, the room wasn’t filled with whispering gossip, It was LOUD with it! Well what do you expect from a room filled with 10 people working in entertainment, life & style and a sports dude on his first day.

I spent the day just getting to know the setup, system, workflow and most importantly, my new colleagues and bosses. And I’m quite please to find out that these people are intelligent, tech savvy, yet humble, decent people, wonderful people.

“Teramatlah berbeza dengan tempat kerja lama, tapi baru kenal, ye tak?”

I was further pleased to see that I had a desk twice the size of my old one, with really comfortable chairs. I use to think that the old office had excellent chairs, but this one at the new office, made the old one feel like a jagged rock!

The second day was more or less the same as the first day, but I did get a taste of what my future looks like, and I must admit that I’m loving what I see.

Way I see it, here I am working around all the different quirks that I have. Internet, writing, sports, media, and a little bit of design. It was as if I finally found that little piece of heaven on earth for myself. During my break between jobs, I kept telling myself that the new job isn’t as cool or as great as I thought, but now that I’m actually doing it, I really am falling in love with the job. That was when I felt a slight tinge of passion grow into my work. I smiled when I realized this, it’s been a while since I’ve had that feeling.

“Midi’s got his mojo back people!”

Thursday saw me going to my first event under Catcha Digital, the holding company for MSN Malaysia. The Nike LunarGlide+ running shoe launch. Suffice to say I got free shoes but was made to run 2km for it. Wait, thats a lie, it wasn’t 2km, more like 1, and they didn’t make me run, I WANTED to run after wearing the shoes, it was one of the most comfortable shoes I have ever worn. Forgive me Adolf Dassler, I will remain true to you, and you can rest assured that although I have a pair of Nike’s sneakers, I didn’t pay for them.

“Adidas forever baby!'”

Saturday will see me heading to Genting to cover Castrol’s World Cup launch. I wonder if Arsene Wenger will be there. And next week, I’ll be interviewing the legend Bryan Robson and attending the match between Malaysia and Manchester United.

“Malaysia Boleh!”

3 years ago I told my dad to let me sacrifice myself for my job so that I could make up all the time I lost when I was a student, now I feel I have done exactly that. I also remember when I was about 17 or 18, I told my parent's that one day I would work with Microsoft, and now I am, well sort of.

My objectives are simple, make MSN Sports the number one website for sports news for Malaysians, domestic and international. It’s a big task, but I think, given enough time, I’ll be able to do just that. The setup is good, the support is excellent, and the turn around time is fast, very fast! I tip my hat off to the bosses for having everything in place before the launch, superb professionalism, something I am not used to. It will be a challenge for me to reach to their level, but it’s a challenge I’m looking forward to, because it will better me as an employee, and a better person.

“Placing the foundations for a balanced future”

The happiest person for me? My mother. She asked me to quit production since January, and when I countered that I like my work and it’s hard to find work during recession, she told me, that I could do better and be better. After months of nagging, and other factors, I decided to tender my resignation. What can I say, mother’s knows best!

On a side note, Congratulations to my dear youngest brother on his first class degree in Exeter. Welcome to unemployment dude, you’re going to enjoy it!

And also, I’d like to welcome Maria Sarah to the family, she’s the 2nd addition to my elder brother’s growing family, and I have another niece to annoy now, Yay!

“Celebration all around for the whole family!”

It seems that in less than one month, the year has turned from a bad one to a very good one. I pray to god it will still be this good come the end of the year and beyond.

Girl Language 101

2009-07-04T08:42:00.000+08:00

Disclaimer: I do not claim to be an expert when it comes to gals.

“But I am pretty good!”

I want to share something with all of you out there. I was pointed towards this internet article where is list down the usual phrases used by girls.

To quote her article “Men need to know, women will have a good laugh, cause they know it’s true”

To all the ladies out there, answer my question, is this accurate?

To all the guys out there,

Enjoy!

1. Fine
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes
If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing
This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing Usually end in fine.

4. Go Ahead
This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5. Loud Sigh
This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6. That's Okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks
A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.

8. Whatever
Is a women's way of saying FUCK YOU!

9. Don't worry about it, I got it
Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's
wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.

Credit to Dian for her article.

When 2 IT Guys Hang Out

2009-06-30T09:10:00.001+08:00

Last night, while I was doing nothing, I received a text message from an old friend, who asked if I was free for drinks.

“Of course I was!”

So after meeting him, we settled for drinks at one of the spots below my condo. It wasn’t full and the place was pleasant enough to catch up with an old acquaintance.

I’ve met Leman, or Sulaiman, to use his real name, when we both enrolled in Uniten taking Information Technology. Ever since then we’ve been close, and we often share the same opinions in life.

Leman is happily married with his high school sweetheart, a relationship which was bonded for 10 years before finally they decided to take the plunge.

We chatted about everything! from the past to the present to the future.

Then I finally came to the question,

“Did you think you would end up this way 10 years ago when we just enrolled in uniten?”

His answer?

“Erm, no, I expected less, but now I’ve exceeded but I still want more!”

I just smiled at his answer and said

“Ditto!”

You see, when we were at Uniten, we were trash. We jumped class, we messed around, and we did illegal things (which I decline to mention here). There were 12 of us, and each one was no less trashier than the other. We were all a bunch of students, who didn’t want to study, but wanted to party like there was no tomorrow.

But the interesting thing is, now, 10 years later, all 12 of us, and I mean ALL 12 of us have been able to create a success story for ourselves.

I quote a friend who knew the Merab 12s.

“Korang ni dulu aku tengok sorang sorang macam sampah, sekarang masing masing hero, salute!”

As we approach our third decade of life, a little reminder for the Merab 12s.

“Keep going guys, we’ve shown what we’re capable of, we can be proud of ourselves!”

For the Merabians, Sungai Merab will forever be etched in their hearts and soul forever, it’s what defined them today.

“Cheers!”

Nervous to the MAX!

2009-06-26T00:27:00.001+08:00

As the day grows nearer to the date I officially join Catcha Digital, I find myself in total anxiety and a complete bundle of nerves!

I try not to think about it, and go preparing myself as I tend to do. But sometimes the nervousness of it all just makes me stop and stare for a while.

“Termenung sebab otak jam”

I’m one of those people that smile facing difficulties, nervousness is just a feeling, and I smile when I’m nervous. Not because I’m scared of failure, but because I know that if I feel nervous about something, it pretty much means that It’s pretty important to me; And that’s more valuable than the risk of failure.

“Tip no 231739210: Smile when you’re nervous!”

What’s added to my anxiousness is the fact that I’ve been assigned to interview Bryan Robson upon Manchester United’s visit to Malaysia next month. I tried to hide the excitement from Muna, my new boss, but I could tell that she saw right through me.

Furthermore, I’ll be pooling my questions together with FourFourTwo magazine, which is my favourite football magazine.

“Manchester United fans mesti jeles kan? UDIN! haha!”

I mean, this is BRYAN ROBSON, he was already a legend at Man Utd when I just started following football at the age of 8. When I first saw him play (on the telly of course), I didn’t know why he was so good, but the way he plays, he exudes an aura of confidence that rubs off on his teammates.

“Tapi apa apa pun, the best player at the time was Paul Gascoigne! I don’t care what you say!”

Look out for my debut article on the new Malaysian MSN sports portal. Hopefully with the help of you out there, I’ll be able to make this channel a success.

“Debut article keluar je, garenti aku heboh kat semua orang, giler credit, wakka!”

Sayonara!

2009-06-13T01:45:00.001+08:00

The time has finally came for me to bid farewell to the company where my career started.

Just over a couple of years ago, I was an over aged student sweating over J2ME programming language to create games. At that point in time, I felt that I will be one of many in the workforce finding it hard to get a job.

Fortunately, the one interview I went to before my final semester exams was favourable, and I ended up as the Webmaster of ntv7.

A year after, I made the decision to step into production, and fast forward to today, I still maintain that I do not regret the decision I made back then.

But there comes a time when you’ve got to leave and take the next step. For me, that time is now.

The past 1 year, I’ve put myself through so much. Working 24/7, disappointing my family when I miss gatherings, always on the move, and even when I do have spare time, I usually use it to research TV productions and the new bearing it is heading towards.

Unfortunately I failed to impress my superiors. Not only that, I was accused of being a “bad influence” on the people in my department. Fine, I’m used to people accusing me, but the one thing I never expected was to be lynched upon.

Perception is a dangerous thing. Having perceptions is all fine and dandy, but making decisions based on these perception is dangerous. Making group decisions based on these perception is not just dangerous, it’s childish and ludicrous.

In less than 1 year, I went from being “The Golden Boy” (What my peers in the department called me when I joined), to “The-trouble-maker-who-has-an-attitude-and-is-not-thankful-for-what-is-given-to-him-and-who-doesn’t-obey-orders”. Quite a leap in 12 months, and all thanks to me helping out with a program that grossed 1.7 million viewers. Regret? No! I know what I did during that time, and if the perception was that I was doing it because I loved “fun”, let me tell you now, Babysitting 12 year olds (let alone 10 of them) and finding activities, sponsorships and content is not my idea of “fun”, but I held firm, and help make the program a success.

I remember telling the producer when he told me to stop helping, I told him “If you think I’m helping you sincerely, then please don’t let me stop, I’m learning, and I learn more by doing. But, if you feel that these accusations towards me and the team are true, then I’ll stop right away”. He replied “Stay…” I will always be indebted to his loyalty and willingness to use his eyes, not his perception nor those whispering words in his ears.

It all came to a head when I was told that I will be producing a program solo. Being stupidly proud, I accepted, after being assured that they’ll assign an assistant “soonest possible”. 4 month later, no assistant, no team, no backup, no way!

How can they expect somebody with no background in TV productions to successfully produce a program with no support? Have a look on the history of TV productions, or just visit this site on Wikipedia. There are so many different roles in a TV production, but I alone did most on the list, and I did it with everything I had, with great degree of success regardless of other’s perceptions, while at the same time being one of the lowest paid in the department. But just because it CAN be done by one person, that doesn’t mean that it SHOULD.

Finally, after messing up again, I decided enough is enough. I can’t work like this, and I can’t work alone. I needed to be in a team, and I decided that there was almost nobody I can trust in the current setup. Hence I tendered my resignation.

Praise to god, as soon as I decided to leave, I had multiple interviews and help from my friends, and finally I was offered the role that I wanted. My 100% interview record remains intact, which pleases me to be honest, 2 interviews and 2 offer letters, thank god it was easy for me to get a job at times such as these.

I leave MPB with fun memories, the environment and (rarely) sincerely nice people I will bring with me no matter where. The bosses I had during my stay was simply superb. I have to mention a couple of names here, firstly, Dato’ Amrin Awalludin. He polished me in such a way that I became this ridiculously confident person, even more confident than I was, and I owe him so much for looking out for me when I first joined ntv7. Secondly, KZR. He’s a living legend. He thought me things about TV productions which no books, no websites, no superiors could/would teach me. The height of his praise for me was when he said “I have a staff who’s progress is impressive, but has time management issues.” It’s hard to get compliments straight from the mouth of the boss, so I grabbed it with both hands.

From 13th July 2009, I will be working with Catcha Digital as the Sports Content Manager for MSN Malaysia’s web portal. My task is to manage and create sports content for the portal. A synergy of all my strengths and interest. With the pay I’m getting, I’m almost ready to admit that tendering my resignation was the best thing that I ever did, almost…

To all my friends, I wish you the best of luck for the future. We WILL cross path again in the future, the media industry in Malaysia isn’t that big!

My tip for all of you is do your work sincerely, and do it to your utmost best. But if you feel that you can’t improve yourself by staying, then don’t be afraid to leave. We all know the famous quote, “For 1 person resigning from MPB, there’s 36 people waiting to take their place”. I counter with “For each company that gets a resume from a person with experience from MPB, no other applicants are good enough.”

Believe me that!

Don’t just bend when you’re being pressed, know your rights, and fight for them.

As for the bosses, don’t pick your favourites, you hired your staff, and it’s your responsibility to see them successful. Don’t use your perception, research your facts, use your eyes, and make WELL INFORMED DECISIONS, not just hunches or wishes.

Nonetheless, the 2 years with MPB were the highlights of my life, and nothing can take that away from me, perhaps a return might be in the future, nobody truly knows…

Thank you all for 2 wonderful years where I learnt so~ much. It’s time for me to leave an make something from everything I’ve learnt in my 29 years of life.

Sayonara!

Organ Reconstruction

2009-05-28T18:42:00.001+08:00

Yeah I know, I’ve been hiding away from my friends for a while now, so I intended to make amends. First step was apologising, simple. Then seeing if they were okay, not so simple.

“Macam macam drama la diaorang produce sejak aku step back”

I don’t know why is it that I am so loyal to my friends, sometimes I just smile as I look at their puzzled face as they figure out why I do the things I do. I always tell them that whatever I do, I do for a reason. And I hope that they understand that what I did was in their best interest.

“Kalau tak percaya takpe, ignore je, and I won’t mention it again”

My principles in life are simple, “Reach for the top and drag those around you up with you.” Failure is not an option, regrouping for another effort is. So my dear friends, don’t be mad at me when I berate you, scold you, or push you to do better, because I’m just dragging you up with me.

Right here, right now I want to share with all of you why I care so much about my friends.

1. I had friends that looked out for me when my parents moved to Japan. I don’t blame my parents, it was the path that life handed to me, but my friends helped me through it.

2. One of my friends that looked over me died in a car accident. His final words to me the night of his accident was “Amir, ko sayang aku tak? Aku sayang ko.” Fortunately I had time to say “Iye, Iye aku sayang ko ngok!”

3. I have been through a lot in my short life. My aunt sums it up nicely when she blames it on my zodiac, Gemini. I quote her “Gemini’s will face every single emotion is life”. Some of these experience I wish never to happen to my friends, hence me going out of my way when I see my friends heading the same direction.

4. I had multiple pet brothers and sisters growing up, thanks to my parents open door policy in the UK. And growing up, I always had somebody looking out for me, always asking about me, always cheering me on. Growing up I loved it, and at that young age I learnt to be compassionate. Everyone deserves a chance until they get it right.

That’s the honest truth.

And to those of you that consider me as a friend, remember that you have a fiercely loyal one in me. I may not be around much, but I’ll be there when it matters. Because you guys deserved it.

So here’s to our friendship and thank you for considering me a friend. Here’s a video for you to enjoy!

“Ain’t no mountain high enough… ain’t no valley low enough….”

Decision Making Processes

2009-05-21T19:41:00.001+08:00

I’ve been absent for a while now, not physically, but mentally and emotionally. I no longer feel the passion for what I’m currently undertaking. I no longer feel any sense of excitement nor belonging to the things I once treasured. Why? there’s so many reasons that every time someone asks me that question, I never fail to give a new one.

Something happened in the past few month that sucked the life right out of me, there’s no more trust, there’s no more sense of belonging, there’s no more passion or commitment. I’m empty.

“Kenapala sampai macam ni?”

What happened to those laughter and banter and quick-witted come backs? Where was all the barracking and arguing to find the perfect solution to any one problem? Where is the harmony which made others envious of what we are and what we do?

“Hilang sebabkan apa? Rasa terancam? Rasa tidak dihormati?”

I am neither Robin Hood, nor Batman. I am just a simple kid believing that success and happiness can be obtained without it being tarnished by favouritism or by being pretentious. Unfortunately, those who think alike are a dying breed.

You see, that’s one issue I’ve always had with Malaysian mentality. Why is it that we Malaysians try so hard to fit in to the majority, that we don’t even care if what we do is right or wrong, just as long as I get what I want, then nothing else matters. It’s just sad.

“Bak kata pepatah, masuk kandang kambing, mengembek, Masuk kandang anjing, menyalak, lebih kurang cam tu la”

Why must we crow when we get into a chicken’s coop? Why must we quack when we’re surrounded by ducks? And why must we bark, when we’re amongst dogs? Can’t we just talk human? We are humans you know.

Unfortunately less and less people realise that Malaysians have a reputation of being feeble minded and flaky. We scratch anyone’s back as long as our backs get scratched. Even if it’s covered with dung, we’ll show our friendly side and scratch, because we know, that by scratching backs, we’ll get what we want.

In an effort to get what I want. I derived an action plan which will make or break my future. Timing in the execution was essential, but alas, everything fell perfectly in place. Now I’m just waiting for the results to come through, if it does, I will have a future to look forward to. If it doesn’t, I would have bought myself enough time for Plan B.

“InsyaAllah, semuanya akan bisa beres”

I am not a revengeful person, nor do I want to be. I just want to move on. Close the book on this silly silly chapter, and wash my hands off all this. But that was not to be, you just had to poke me once more, but this time I’m not taking the bait.

“Cukup la tu, dah tak larat nak layan dah”

I am going away to a place where I am appreciated. It’s hard enough earning minimal wages, where the company makes so much more out of my input. After some simple math, I realised that I am being short changed. And after some more simple math, I realised that we lost our objectives a long long time ago, and as we struggle to skew our direction back to our objectives, we lost our morality and humanity, along with respect and tolerance.

Where once I see a family around me, now I see pretentiousness and suspicions from one person to the next, and it’s not just me, most of us feel it too, we’re just afraid to voice it out.

Then the moment of epiphany struck. I haven’t had one in almost two years. The answers were quite simple really.

Q. Should I stay and be a diligent worker?
A. Why? Even with all my efforts, it’s not appreciated nor credited. Except from a selected few.

Q. Can I work under these unique circumstances?
A. No, my passion comes from knowing there’s a reward for achievements. Not true currently.

Q. Can I get another job?
A. Of course I can, and of course I will

Q. But what about all your work? Are you going to throw it all away?
A. Who cares? Sooner or later it’s all going to be forgotten anyways

Q. What do you want to do now?
A. Something I’m good at, something that will feed me, and something that gives me satisfaction

I’m moving up a notch, please, for gods sake, why don’t you join me? Don’t be too proud of what you have, God can take it away in an instance. This is my last plea to you, take the higher ground.

We’ll cross paths again in the future, I promise you that.

I’ve made my decision,

It’s time to grow up and release my full potential.

Massive Updates

2009-04-05T21:15:00.001+08:00

It’s been a couple of weeks since I last updated my blog, not because there’s nothing to write about. But because I’ve been pretty much occupied with loads of stuff.

First update. Yes, I did finally get my hands on a Sony Ericsson C905, and thank god, the wait has been worth it! The functions and accessories are awesome, and don’t get me started on the 8 megapixel camera. So now there’s no reason for me not to talk pictures anymore!

“Banyak la gambar aku nak tangkap ni, standby sapa sapa yang buat kerja bodoh!”

The weekend was spent going to Yong Peng with Didi’s family. They had an event there, and they needed transportation. Since I had no recording, and wanting to get away from everyday routine, I agreed to go with them.

“Memang bestla, I get to see a different artiste and how non-KL artiste are quite down to earth, but of couse, these are non-namers artiste, so I guess that’s the reason… kot!”

The day journey on Saturday saw me finally arriving home at 3am. I was tired as hell, but I did enjoy it massively. The only thing I regret was that I woke up on Sunday with a very high fever. Which means, I had to skip futsal. Which I really hate to miss. There goes another week without exercise.

And what a time to get sick, things are picking up at the office, and I truly am gonna be swamped if I miss a day. I guess, we’ll just see in the morning.

“Adoi, kalau MC pun mesti aku kena buat kojo kat rumah, dahla tak reti sangat tulis script, kang kuar cite bodoh aje…”

On the home front. My house is finally starting to look like a real home. The living room, bedroom, and kitchen are done. I know I told myself that I’m gonna decorate little by little, bit by bit. But I guess I was just too impatient. I’ll update some pictures once phase 1 is completed.

“Tak tau la, aku tengok sendiri cam best, ntah ntah, syok sendiri kot!”

So that’s the updates so far, time to take my medicine…

“Chiao!”

The Day Of Ups & Downs

2009-03-20T00:26:00.001+08:00

Today was a rather topsy-turvy day for me. Life has it’s up and downs but today was quite ridiculous.

The day basically started quite the usual day, although today I failed to adhere to my alarm clock. I have this habit of snoozing my alarm clock every time I hear it, a bad habit that I have to address.

“Beli grandfather clock baru boleh sedar kot…”

Anyways, being late, I quickly took a shower, and was on my way driving my Kancil. As per the usual practice, whenever either my mum or dad drops by, I surrender the Vios. Its not such a big deal, cause I do love my Kancil, but I was kinda worried cause the Kancil hasn’t been serviced in a while, and has started to make some wierd noises.

So just as I was approaching Sri Pentas, I had to stop at a traffic light. Not 10 minutes past when suddenly my Kancil shuddered and died. I feared the worst, and my fears was realised when I failed to restart the car.

“Degil, suruh service awal awal tak nak, rasakan!”

The next few hours was spent waiting for the tow truck and thinking how much this was going to cost me. Luckily for me, Bundle was charming enough to actually sit by my side until the car was safely at the mechanics.

“Terima kasih Bundle, sapa dapat ko mesti beruntung, dah la macam bantal, baik hati pulak, huhu~”

Coming in late to work, I found out that there was a problem with scheduling, where BMG changed the scheduling without notifying me, thus the links by the host was way off. Not wanting to point fingers and play the blame game, I just had a few soft words with those that mattered. Hopefully moving forward everything will be fine.

“Buat apa nak kecoh pasal benda yang dah berlaku, try to fix it, and make sure it doesn’t happen again. Orang tau bila diaorang buat salah, cuma are they matured enough to admit it? Some people are, some people aren’t”

Then came even more problems, the tape transfer for the latest episodes was a problem, damn those recycled tapes! needless to say, I had to ask the great Azam to retransfer the fillers into a new tape, and spent a few hours rechecking the work.

“Senang buat kerja ngan Azam, supporting gile! Just hope that he likes doing kids@fgw cause I really like the way he works”

But the day picked up from there, I received confirmation that Anime Tech agreed to sponsor kids@fgw, which is great news, cause it means I have more things to play with during recordings. This was followed by receiving a goody bag from Zach, good old Zach, how sweet of him to think of me during his event, although he’ll kill me for saying such things.

But to top off the day, the 2 raya dramas that Zafran, Bundle and me proposed for TV3 was picked up, and although its still too early to say, hopefully I’ll gain more experience doing dramas. Now that would be cool. A different take to productions all together.

“Harap harap dapat la terlibat dalam production drama tu, I never thought my ideas would be good enough, let alone be picked up by TV3 for production for raya this year”

I’ll try and update my blog with new info regarding the drama if I do get to get involved.

“Wish me luck!”

Perspective

2009-03-10T11:50:00.003+08:00

Sometimes things happen that help us put things in perspective.

Last week, I received a phone call from my cousin saying that my grandmother was warded due to bleeding intestines. Turned out that she has scratches on her stomach and smaller intestines, which made her pass blood.

When I arrived in Muar with my parents, I can help but feel that it was a good time for me to take a step back and give my life a thorough look over.

The summary of which I can conclude, is that I whine too much, and am not grateful for what I have thus received from god. All the success or progress I have made, can be taken away from me at any time, regardless of who does the "taking", it's gods will that made them take it away.

Therefore, I have to believe that there is a purpose behind all of this, and that sometimes, you just have to let it flow and trust it will be for the best.

"Tawakal aje la..."

I have many things to be thankful for, and its been a while since I last counted my blessings, so here goes.

1. A good healthy life - "Although it could be better"
2. A prospering career - "Which has its speed bumps, but can still be tolerable"
3. Good friends - "God has blessed me by revealing which ones are the true friends"
4. Happy and loving family - "No matter what goes wrong, we always stick together"
5. Stable and comfortable livelihood - "Hectic, but otherwise good to the bone"

So, my friends, have you've been counting your blessings? Make sure you do, cause sometimes you just loose sight of what is really important in life.

"May god continue blessing us with his blessings"

Sick & Tired

2009-03-03T19:04:00.005+08:00

Nah, I'm not sick and tired of something. I'm just physically sick and tired. When I'm sick and tired, I complain, no, I rant, about everything and anything under the sun. For those of you who tried calling me but did not get through, I apologise, but sometimes I just want to be left alone.

So for those of you who are either sensitive, paranoid, or just brain dead, go away. This is not the place for you.

"Seriously, kalau terasa baca post entry ni, nasib la, sapa makan cili dia rasa pedas. Sapa makan cili, tak rasa pedas memang bebal, bodoh, banggang, and anything synonymous"

Who the fuck do you think you're? Taking credit for things that I have done? Thinking that you taught me what I know? Thinking that you're the one giving me substance to live from one day to the next? When you want something, you're damned fucking nice to me, but when I don't give you what you want, you try and attack me? What makes you think I'm going to lay low and just be quiet?

Some of my closest friends have advised me that I should fight for what I believe in and fight to the death for what is rightfully mine. And I do agree with them, but for now, I have nothing to fight with. Right now, it may seem I'm retreating, but the reality is, I'm gathering my weapons, and troops. You think you're clever?

"Well, I'm a genius. Wanna dance?"

You're proud that you got lucky with one, you think that you're the best. But in a shorter period of time, for something smaller than yours, for all the "help" you get as oppose to me running solo, I got four. Do the simple math bitch, I'm quadruple times better than you in that respect.

"You don't realize that the help you get is insincere, and people think you're better off dead"

You go on and on about how people betray you, how people treat you badly, how you are the "good" person. But the truth is, if you had one atom of goodness, people wont be saying things about you the way they are right now. I don't even have to open my mouth. They just come up to me and say you're a bitch. A bitch that no one would ever fuck even for everything in the world. Good things come to those who waits, the reasoning behind your behaviour will determine your reputation.

"Go ahead, argue with me. When you argue with me, I'll let you have your say, I take your arguments on board, I'm open to debate. When I argue with you, straight away I'm the troublesome one. Sheesh~ where's the open mindedness that you go on and on about?"

Now here's the juicy part. I just couldn't believe my ears when someone told me that you tried to teach them how to get to where you are. For Christ sake, you're still nowhere on the map! And you're "teaching" people to be where you are? That's the joke of the century! But what was worse is that by telling this person how you got to where you are, you just confirmed yourself as one of the biggest ass kissers in the world. You confirm that you got to where you are because you arsed kissed your way to it, not through hard work, not through patience, and definitely not deserving. And now you want to teach people how to ass kiss. How grateful I am that these people you try to "teach" can engage their own minds on what's right and wrong. Something that you failed to do.

Your lucky that the person you're ass kissing is unfortunately blind. You think that just because you can share a joke and can share the same fondness for luxury, that you are sincere. I'm sorry, the last time I checked, those sincere in friendship are those who criticize you when you do wrong, and who applaud you when you're doing great.

Something made me grin sheepishly today, you were so impressed that someone went on a solo mission. If that is something that impresses you, then take a look at me, I've been running solo for almost a decade, and for all my "attitude problem", I still manage significant achievements. I've achieved more in my short time than you have your whole adolescence.

"Grow the fuck up!"

I've realized something since all this became an issue. That with patience, and by doing things with the best intentions, god will open up those that you keep hidden one by one. And with every revelation, I smile, not because I can make you realise, but because other people realise it without me uttering a word. Unfortunately you choose to be blind when god has given you sight. You blabber about how other people would fail if it wasn't for you, but the more I see, the more I find people strive without your meddling.

I know why you dislike me, it's because I'm a straight shooter, I call it as I see it, and I'll debate on anything and everything. If it's not that, it's because it seems I'm just coasting through, having enough time for all the petty things in life as well as those important ones. You dislike me because you envy me. I'm fast, I get thing done and I get it done quickly. Yes, I do take shortcuts, but my shortcuts never, ever, infringe on the rules. Unlike you, I'm decisive, I make a decision and I stick to it. For right or wrong, I'll bear the consequences, something you never managed to do. But there is one thing you do so well, pointing fingers.

"It's everyone else's fault, never your own"

Here's what's going to happen. I gave you enough chances to make up for what you did, but you don't have the courtesy to do so, because, lets face it, you're incapable of doing so, just refer the paragraph above. So now it's time for me to put you in your place. Nah, don't worry, I wont shout at you or talk to you, because, honestly, I don't see the point in that, you're beyond help. I'm cutting you out, you no longer deserve to be in my life, you no longer bring anything to the plate. You want people to like you, but you sure are doing things to the opposite effect.

And before you tell me that I owe you because of all the things you did for me, here's the reality. Even without you, I'll strive, here or anywhere else, because I'm a survivor, and survivors strive on pressure. You've seen for yourself, the more you pressure me, the more I prove you wrong. You've pressured me enough to the extent that I have snapped, and believe me when I say that nobody scares me when I snap.

Here's a little dare for you, come up to me and say something, anything, and see if you like my response. Better yet, ask me if this blog is about you, and see if you like my response. Best of all, ask me why I wrote this post entry, and see if you like my response. There's three of you in this post entry, I dare all three of you.

"You want to create a scene? Let's rock and roll! I know you don't dare, because let's face it, you have more skeletons in your closet than I do mine."

Fuck you and all your merry men.

"Rant over..."

All System Go!

2009-02-25T15:03:00.005+08:00

The clock is ticking ever so quickly towards D-day.

28th February 2009, 9:30am will see kids@fgw make it's debut on ntv7.

Time will tell whether or not all the preparation and execution succeed in bringing the ideas of kids@fgw to life. I hope it does, but the real judges will be those 4 to 14, make that 4 to 17 out there. Hopefully those of you out there wont be holding back when commenting about the program. Just be honest, blunt, and straight forward.

"Dont be gentle anymore, just give me the brutal and honest truth!"

The nervousness that is engulfing me is undescribable. I know this isn't my first shot at this, but so much is riding on this program personally and professionally. If previously I was just trying to improve on other people's ideas, now I am given the chance to actually portray my own ideas, and my own take on what kids today want.

"Kadang kadang the stress of it all buat aku nak give up and just let it be"

Sometimes I complain about too much to do, in so little available time, but as usual, I always see two sides of every story. Yes, it is tiresome and tedious work. Yes, I do have to work after office hours, although nowadays I just continue work after I reach home at 6. Yes, I do complain about not having anyone that can help me. But, the more I work alone, the more I learn. The more things are organized based on my system, and the more I know what's done or needs to be done.

"Kalau ada la ending credit kat program ni, director and VT je nama orang lain, yang lain nama aku kot, gile credit!"

After the first recording, episode 1 and 2, I realized that my new host, Ashraf and Zamaera are naturals, but yet, still needs to be groomed. Hopefully I can work and shape them as I did with Hafidz and Diana, but hopefully this time it wont take half the time it took to shape my previous host. Back to square 1? Not quite, but there are some polishing to be done.

So make sure you tune in to ntv7 this weekend at 9:30am, 10:00am, 11:00am and 11:30am and get back to me on what you think about the show. I will definitely take all comments seriously.

"Just let rip!"

Kids Rule! kid@fgw

2009-02-12T21:12:00.004+08:00

Introducing the new anchor for the weekend mornings on ntv7!

It's been hectic ever since I came back from Japan, where I took sometime to think about the rebranding of Whoa!

As the first recording date approaches, I felt a necessity to just blurt out my thoughts on what exactly kids@fgw is. Let's play a game, those of you that do take your time reading my blog, you can be the judges in this little game.

The game is simple, I will write down, right now, what exactly are my thoughts or ideas about kids@fgw. After it airs, starting on the 28th of February 2009, you will judge if I got those ideas of mine across.

"Cee wah, makan cite saw la pulak!"

Of course there are some rules, first of all, I'm subject to restrictions from other external factors, so there is a scope to where I have to stay inside of. So the concept, and idea remains the same as Whoa! and finally you will judge me by the treatment only.

"Let's go!"

1. ATTITUDE
Kids today has got attitude, most of them are sarcastic, and all of them loves pranks. So let's give them what they want. The program has got to please the kids attitude, as such, the host themselves has got to have the same attitude. But there's no use having two host who'll be sarcastic each other all the time, you need balance.

Therefore, my idea is to have the male host as the one with the attitude, he'll be sarcastic, he'll be egoistical, he'll be the joker, he'll be the brave one.

While the female host will be the adoring, sweet girl with a beautiful smile and laughter. She'll be the bane of many jokes, but the one thing about this girl is that, she gives as good as she gets!

"Will it work? I think so, let's roll with it"

2. ENERGY
The energy for this program has got to be excellent. The last thing we want is for our kids to wake up, switch on the TV, and find a couple of drowsy presenters blabbering away at them. They'll just go back to sleep.

The hosts has got to be lively and energetic. They've got to be loud and crazy. They've got to have aggression and attitude!

The tempo has got to mirror the host's character, being fast and crazy as well.

"Jangan lebih sangat, kang kids bangun terus muntah lak..."

3. GIVEAWAYS!
Giveaways are a real puller, whatever you have, you give, a lot. What you dont have, you get, then you give, a lot. The more you giveaway, the more they stay with you. Create the substance, create the expectation, create the feeling of wanting.

I see these three things as the main factors in pulling the young minds today. But I also have a responsibility to lead them to the right path, and also to teach them a few things along the way.

Scripting is vital to this. enough said.

Hopefully I am right, and hopefully kids@fgw will achieve better things than what Whoa! ever did.

So let's see if I can pull this off!

Owh, and if you're wondering about the theme of my blog. I just wanted to get into the mood of kids@fgw!

Much Needed Break

2009-01-19T16:44:00.003+08:00

Alas, I finally had a stretch of days for which I could totally relax and just enjoy it.

9 days, 9 whole days where I could just relax and reset. It's been a while since I took such a long break, nevertheless it was unsatisfactory to my mother who said that 9 days isn't long.

"Sigh~ 9 hari tu dah kira cukup bagus dah tu dari tak dapat langsung tau!"

I spent all 9 days in Yokohama, Japan. It's been just about two years since I last visited my adopted hometown, and although a lot of things have changed, the best things about Japan are still there.

"Queen's Square, Yokohama Station, Tokyo Dome, Sea Paradise, Akihabara, Roponggi and Disney Resorts are still very much enjoyable!"

There was some significant difference between this trip and the ones I took previously. One, of course, is the fact that for the first time, I did not tick the student box in the occupation column. The second being that for this trip, I had to actually apply for a visa. Although it did not impact much on the trip itself, I had a feeling of fulfillment, being able to finally hold my head up high amongst those who know me there in Japan, although conceded, not many people know who I am over there.

"Ntahle, rasa bangga lak bila orang dengar aku ni kerja ngan Media Prima, tapi takdela sampai tahap nak riak kan?"

This trip also signifies new grounds for those going with me. First for Izran, who this time went not a single person anymore, but with wife and family towed along; and then there's Fish, the first time he went to Japan.

There's a sense of joy and innocence when I look at Fish just taking in Japan. Just seeing him learning so much about Japan, and his enthusiasm to actually take the opportunity to learn so many things about Japan made me happy. I really hope he brings the enthusiasm with him on his new adventure wherever it may be.

I never knew him to be someone who could get all excited about something, but for 9 whole days, he was the first to wake up, the first to sleep and the first to complain when things weren't moving along.

"Ah~ exuberance of youth, you can't beat that."

However, the trip wasn't just filled with enjoyment and relaxing. I made it a point to always check my emails on the trip to make sure my work back home doesn't pile up too much. Knowing that from now on I'll be running alone for the kids program on ntv7, I knew I better keep on top of things before they got out of control. Not that it never happened before.

So now I'm back, recharged, rejuvenated, excited, determined, and a little bit jet lagged but ready for the next few month. Before I'm off again for another excursion. But that maybe a wee bit in the future.

"Sayonara!"

Welcoming in 2009 with tears

2009-01-05T11:55:00.006+08:00

I honestly didn't think that a couple of month is enough to get attached to anything, let alone fall in love.

Sri Pentas 2 saw something quite extraordinary on the 3rd of January 2009, and I was there. 10 kids, aged between 9 and 12, all made their entrance from wannabe singers to legit entertainers. 10 wonderfully talented individuals, coming together for two month, and walking away not just with celebrity status, prizes and accolades, but also with love and attachment with each other and those around them.

A couple of month ago, I got wind that Abang Zafran was to produce a kids talent search program which was quite big. Eager to learn more about studio and MCP production, I filled my spare time tagging along with them, curious to see how they handled the production, how to create innovative things to differenciate this reality program from the rest.

When I first steped into Laman Sri, I noticed just how tricky this assignment is, so many variables for the producer to think about, and I just sat there in awe. Against my better judgement, I took it upon myself to take the opportunity to help, with the intention to learn, because I truly felt I could learn so much from this production alone.

I was surprised, proud and honoured when asked if I could help out with the recording. I've always wanted to be part of a MCP production, and Idola Kecil gave me that chance. I have to appologize to my family and friends for being such a bad relative and friend, but I give my all to everything I do, passion and ownership takes its own course.

"Maaf ye, nanti ada masa I'll make up for not being there for you guys"

One by one, I got to know each and every contestant. I knew from the start that they all are talented, what I didn't know was that each and everyone of them had their own unique personality. Their personality is what made me get attached to them so quickly.

Milia @ Mak B.
The kepohchi of the bunch, never tired of asking questions, even to the extent of getting scolded for asking too much. She has brains but is quite reserved and didn't mix well with the rest. At the end of it all, I'll remember her for her shills and high pitched voice. I see her being a nerd in university, completing all assignments even before its given to her!

"Mak B, jagan kepochi sangat, nanti takde orang nak kawan ngan Mak B"

Tasha @ Wangi
Youngest of the all, has a problem where she always says the wrong thing to the wrong person. The kids always harrass her about her hygene, but at the end of the day, she's part of the family and will always be remembered for her bubbly ways.

"Jaga mulut tu, hubungan dengan orang lain kena jaga dan paling penting, belajar belajarlah pakai deodorant!"

Udin @ KG
The one with the most difficult life. Looking at him, and his way, it showed me the innocence of kids as well as the program. He needs to learn a lot in people skills, but hopefully in time, he'll learn to be a proper person. The thing I love most about this kids is his confidence.

"Konfiden, konfiden gak Udin, tapi pertuturan, percakapan dan tingkah laku kena selalu jaga, lagi lagi depan orang yang kita tak kenal"

Afiq @ Auw
The one with the best manners, a proper boy. Very well learnt and very well brought up, respectful, soft spoken, with the ability to make anyone smile and laugh. The only worry with him is he has the potential to be a softy. Hopefully he's listen to our advice and be a tru man.

"Afiq, tolong jangan jadik lembut sangat. Jaga diri tu, peribadi tu dah elok, hampir perfect, usahakan lagi"

Shaza @ Ceramah
She wins hands down in vocals. Very powerful voice, but she needs to work more on her performance. Anothing thing about her is that she's the most managable one. Very deciplined and follows orders without us having to ask her twice. She has the ability to zone out into her own world when she performs. A sensitive girl who needs to be stronger. Honestly believe that although she has the voice to be a singer, she's more cut out to be a doctor, her ambition.

"Shaza orang yang paling senang dijaga, teruskan mana yang betul tu dan jangan sensitif sangat dengan gurauan kasar orang lain. Belajar rajin rajin dan jadikla doctor yang bagus"

Ana @ Gemuk
The popular one, with a sense of humour that would make you either mad or happy. She has a tendency to latch on to anyone of her minders, and is friendly, so friendly infact that all of us worry about her safety after IK. Someone who uses jokes to hide her emotions. Will always remember the way she "sways" when dancing and her naughty eyebrows.

"Ana sayang, jangan ramah sangat, lagi lagi dengan orang yang tak dikenali, awak tu muka nakal, rupe ada, badan pun gemuk. Jaga sikit, jangan jadik rempit sangat"

Wada @ Samseng
The eventual winner of IK. The champion. For one and a half month she did nothing but learn and improve every aspect of her performance, and it paid off in the end. Towards the end, she eventually showed her true colours. She has a way of mocking people, and toying with them that doesn't make people mad, and the inventor of "Nak? Salam dulu! Yayaya...."

"Woi! Wada jaga melatah tu. Jangan takut air lagi, dan bila lelah datang, ingat pesan abang, control pernafasan, ikut mulut dan nafas pendek pendek. Nanti abang bawak jalan jalan nak? Salam dulu! Yayaya..."

Shada @ Tot Chor
Personally the cutest of them all, a true girl, 100% feminin. She has an aura about her that makes people just adore her. Yes, she's the daughter of N.D. Lala, and the younger sister of Sheila (OIAM), but because of her aura and adorable ways, she'll be in my heart always for herself.

"Buntot besau, memang comel sangat, tapi control emo tu. Jangan sikit sikit nak emo, kena pandai jaga diri. Nanti besar buktikan yang Shada lebih bagus dari apa yang orang sankakan. Dan paling penting, nanti satu hari abang nak culik teddy bear Shada."

Aqiem @ Ensem/Macho/Cute

The performer of the bunch. Likes to be spoilt, hugged and touched. From the start I earmarked him as a dark horse, and if the final had SMS elements, I'm sure he would win by a mile. The problem is, he's good looking, and he knows he's good looking. A clever kid who knows how to win anybody's heart. I'll miss his pleading to do my hair.

"Tau ensem, tapi jangan guna keenseman Aqiem untuk sakitkan hati orang. Orang ramai minat Aqiem, terpulang pada Aqiem nak berkawan, tapi pilih kawan betul betul. Dan jangan lupakan trademark tangan smash tu"

Didi @ Ketak kutu
My favourite of the bunch. Dreams to be a host/model. Loves to catwalk and really into media life. She has on screen presence and I dare say in 5 years she'll be the next big thing in local entertainment. She doesn't show her emotions at all, and likes to keep everything to herself. The reason why I'm so attached with her is the fact that she always runs to me to confide things. Almost everything. She's the one who's always excited when she sees me, and after taking care of her during her chicken pox phase, and her parents going to Sabah, we really created a bond so deep. Tears driped from my eyes when she whispered to me that she loved me so much when we were saying goodbye.

"Mengalir air mata terkenangkan Didi, jaga diri elok elok, dan tolonglah belajar english betul betul. Didi ada bakat dalam penyiaran, jangan sia-siakan. Abang akan tolong mana abang mampu. Sayang sangat kat Didi."

Wada won 1st prize, Aqiem second and Shaza third. But in my heart, all will always be number one.

Thank you to Abang Zafran for giving me the opportunity to be involved, thank you to KZR and Kak Lin for allowing me to be involved, thank you to the production team for making me feel part of the team, thank you to the crew for making everything fun and easy, thank you to the parents for trusting me with their kids.

I just hope that these 10 kids remember me and keep in touch.

But most of all, thank you to the kids for letting me love them, and loving me back.

Goodbye 2008

2008-12-31T08:44:00.002+08:00

Its that time of year where we reflect on the things, good or bad, that has occurred in the last 365 days.

Personally, I would say that overall, 2008 has been quite good. Of course there are hiccups along the way, but generally everything is fine and dandy.

"Macam biase la, aku kan cepat bounce back from adversity"

My personal highlight of the year would be when I transferred to productions from brand. Why? I'm not truly sure, but one thing is for certain, I do not regret the decision I made. Sure, its a steep learning curve, sure, I have to start from square one. But I do see a big future for me at where I am. Patience will play a crucial role.

Everybody knows my personal stance on politics. Be it governmental or office politics, I do not have the time nor the interest to be involved in it. But wherever we work, be it in a small office or big conglomerate, politics will always be present, and politics will always play a role.

"kok bisa dikatakan gerangan politik bisa adalah kanker bagi umat kerja"

This year I learnt so much, not just regarding productions, but about dealing with the different political agendas of a few parties. They do try and influence me in this way or that way, or play the guilt game or just plain sniping others. But what they fail to realize is that I have and always will look out for numero uno.

"Buat apa aku nak pening kepala pasal orang, macam biase la, nak kawan aku kawan, tak nak kawan, ramai lagi orang nak kawan aku"

So for you out there looking to better me through politicking, go ahead. You may succeed, but I must warn you that even if you win the battle, you wont win the war. I only have one advice to you, better yourself and those around you by not making enemies, but by making friends. If you want to succeed, bring those around you up with you. Not put them out just so you can rise.

Tonight the clock will tick casually into the new year, 2009. The year where I've earmarked as a new chapter in my life. I've had just over a year in the working force, and tomorrow will see a new me who is ready to play ball.

Every sense of me will go into overhaul, a rebirth if you will. For those of you lucky enough to see me prior to 2007 and compare it to who I am now, you might be forgiven into thinking that I am a different person. Come 2009, the difference will be so much more present.

"Baik ke jahat ke, itu terpulang pada persepsi masing2"

Basically I'm done taking crap and being a nice guy, with the new year comes a new attitude. I am equipped with what is needed to launch my new projects, and if you think I was difficult before, then you better stay away from me. I am raring to go, and with the support I have from the people around me, I dare say by this time next year, the definition of me would be different.

Hate through association is something I must touch on. Hate is a big word, too big a word to be placed in someones mouth when talking about others. Just because you don't get along with someone, doesn't mean you should generalize and hate them and their clique. Learn to be professional and respectful.

When you have issues with someone, learn to talk to them and resolve the issues and conflict. Only then will the issue be resolved and the conflict averted. Don't go talking crap about them to other people and try to make people believe you. Cause when you do that, you not only blind yourself, but you blind those people who believe you. I pity you for not being able to resolve your issues, I pity even more those who believe you. But the main theme remains, I do not hate you.

"Kesian kat orang yang fikir dia tak boleh maju tanpa menjatuhkan orang lain, padahal, dalam hidup ini, kita maju bila kita berbuat baik"

So lets change for the better with the new year, lets make 2009 a year to remember, lets make 2010 a year where all of us will be in a better place, and a better person.

Happy new year 2009!

"Ave a gud un!"

In Need of Sleep

2008-12-17T08:22:00.003+08:00

What a week, with Izran getting hitched and work getting hectic, I found myself here, there and everywhere.

Although last week saw 2 public holidays, I couldn't find time to actually relax and rest. Izran's 3 tiered reception, Whoa! and Siapa Pintar, including Idola Kecil excluded any extra activities on my behalf, not that I'm complaining, mind.

"Lan, ingat pesan aku eh? next time kahwin, takyah la sampai 3 kali reception, lotih den arh"

Izran's last reception was on Saturday 13th December 2008. The day before, Idola Kecil saw another elimination, this time Ana was the unlucky one. Unlucky is quite an understatement cause personally I think all 10 finalist are wonderfully talented. Ana will be missed, but the show must go on.

Doing Idola Kecil gave me the chance to be actively and directly involved in MCP production for the very first time, now I truly understand the different roles and their responsibility. There are so many variables in an MCP production that needs to be addressed, so much so it can make the hardest of people very nervous.

"InsyaAllah, lepas ni bole buat Siapa Pintar dengan lebih bagus, dalam peranan yang lain pulak"

There was a brief restbite after Lan's final reception, and sunday morning saw me and the Whoa! team travel to Penang to cover Animation International Malaysia's event where all the main cast of the Doraemon cartoons was brought over.

Once again we stayed at Parkroyal Hotel, and once again, Karen gave us the best treatment and support I could have ever wished for. Thank you Parkroyal, but more importantly, thank you Karen and her new assistant, Adrea. Parkroyal is fast becoming my favourite hotel on the pearl of the orient.

Even then, we didn't stay long in Penang, and Monday saw us all travel back. Siapa Pintar and Hartamania's audition was running, so I couldn't afford to stay away from the office too long. Thank god for the interns and new staffs cause without them, we would really be short handed.

So for those who has brothers or sisters or nephews or nieces or grandchildren, or stepsiblings. As long as their between the ages of 9 to 14, bring them over to Sri Pentas for the auditions, the audition will last until the 21st of December, so make sure not to miss it!

"Risau la jugak kalau tak cukup contestant for both Siapa Pintar and Hartamania"

Izran's other life

2008-12-09T18:12:00.003+08:00

This year marks the becoming of my best friend and cousin, Izran Hisham. He is, as of 6th Dec 2008, legally married to the girl of his choice. It's very flattering when he asked me to be his best man for his big day.

Although we were born in the same year, we never actually got close until I visited Lan in Japan. Family postings overseas was the main reason why we weren't really close, from the ages of 6 to 11, I was in England, and from the age of 11 to 15, Lan was in Japan.

After my visit we became close and have been close ever since. He's always been the one where I let free all my thoughts and problems, and I'd like to think that I did the same for him. Although thinking back, he actually never really had many problems. Either that, or he didn't actually trust me, haha!

So now, 28 years after our birth, Lan has decided to build a home. I am massively happy for him, and wish him happiness til the end. Hopefully, godwilling, the marriage will remain till death do them part.

Things are going to chance, he's not gonna be free all the time, he's not gonna be able to hang out much, and soon he'll have his own family to worry about, so I guess its time for me to let him be, and just be there when he needs me.

"Good luck dude, not that you're gonna need it, but I'm sincerely happy for you"

Just as long as you dont miss our weekly futsal sessions!

Fish & His Lalaland

2008-12-03T23:16:00.002+08:00

Welcome dear friend, to our little sanctuary, and to our not-so-secret society.

Finally after much asking, inviting, pushing, pleading, and begging. You've finally seen the light. Successfully accepting the reality that you're indeed, one of us. Take your place my friend, for you truly do belong amongst us, where we scream sarcastic nothings to all that make our lives a living hell.

You will sometimes think that what you're doing has no repercussions in your life, that your ramblings wont as much as dent those that actually annoy the hell out of you. But in time you'll see that there is a difference being made, you will feel the very difference of bottling up and letting go.

Learn to compose indirectly, subtlety, and promiscuously, not forgetting sarcastically, and you will raise questions in those who question you. You will lead your followers to where they should be, and you will mislead those that wish to cause you ill.

But be wary, with extra features, comes extra risk, and when there is extra risk, you need extra caution. Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer, do this and you'll achieve your objectives of joining this club. I'm sure that once you get the hang of this, you'll understand why most of us bug you to join us.

Venture forth my friend, my colleague, my brother. You are well on your way to becoming your own man.

Welcome to the club.

Gearing up for a big bang!

2008-11-20T14:43:00.003+08:00

Enjoying the peace and quiet before the arguing and screaming begins. I should apprecitate this momment and take it all in. Glad that for once, I know what gonna happen in the very near future. Time to make plans, and contingencies, time to take action and pre-emp all possibilities.

Looking at my shcedule, residing peacefully in my Outllook account, I can just imagine the hassle and stress that's gonna besiege me in less than a week. Its all good, and looking at it, I think I'll manage just fine. But thanks to Microsoft, I'll be better prepared for the next quater.

December will start with me shooting lots of Whoa! episodes since both my host wants to go on leave until New Years, and I'll be going on leave in the middle of January. Where I usually only go on shoots once a week, now I find myself going out twice or maybe trice per week!

It isn't just Whoa! though. Starting December, I'll be in the pre-production phase of a gameshow for kids on TV9. Siapa Pintar, is a spelling bee competition with a twist. I want to make do without stupid school looking stages with teachers sitting on a desk and the host standing by a rostrum. That may be the usual way spelling bees are conducted, but I've never been the one to think the "usual" way.

Siapa Pintar will be my first major production using multi cameras (or better known as MCP). Its quite a big leap for me from non broadcasting background to SCP and now straight to MCP in less than 6 month.

But I've never once decline a job, and I aint starting now.

So wish me luck, and please support my program by actually watching it. In the mean time why not support my colleagues production for TV9, Idola Kecil. It airs every Saturday at 9pm on tv9.

A Little Bit Of This & That

2008-11-11T08:11:00.002+08:00

Post accident,

Thanks to all those people who asked me how I was, who was worried about me, and who nagged me every other minute about this and that. You really made me felt appreciated.

I wont say that I had a divine moment, where, for a while, I found out what was truly important in life. Nor will I say that the accident changed me in this way or that. But what I can say is that ever since the accident, I've been thinking that somehow I'm weird or in need of serious therapy.

No, not because I'm confused or anything that's negative. Its just that people give me a look as if I've walked away unscathed from a horrific-near-death occurrence that would have other people laying unconscious on a hospital bed.

Now, I'm thankful that I got away from the accident with minor cuts and a mild concussion. But, come on guys. It was just an accident. Yeah, I hit the divider, yeah, I went flying along with my car, yeah, I destroyed most parts of my car. But it wasn't as if I hit a truck and miraculously survived!

The best advice I had was, "You're not invincible you know..." But what if I am? Maybe I could write to the writers of heroes, and play myself in the series. Wouldn't that be neat!

One person even asked me, "How come you always tend to get hurt one way or another, but still remain cool and unfazed?"

I know what that person meant. Over the years, I've been dealt blows, serious blows. The list includes, dropping out of uni, withdrawal syndrome, cheated on, bad breakup, played on, guilt, paranoia, played on, backstabed, played on some more, and then came the accident. Throughout these events, I always tried to remain positive and optimistic. When it all became to much to handle, the mantra "God has his reasons" help me get through it all.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that, all these blows, has made me a very strong person. I don't believe I'm blowing my own trumpet. I honestly believe I am much stronger and more level headed than most because of the cards I was dealt. Thus, I am now a strong believer in the saying "Those that don't kill you, will make you stronger."

So, thank you again for all the worries, get-well wishes, and sympathies. But let's put a lid on it because I'll be needing those kind words for the next blow I'm gonna get. I think I'm ready for anything...

Well, almost anything...

The Story Of The Feline With Green Eyes

2008-11-02T23:17:00.002+08:00

Date, Saturday 1st November 2008. Time, 0335 hours.

There I was, heading home after a long, long day. As the norm when I drive, my mind wanders through the many things occupying my mind. About how in a couple of weeks, I'll wont have to spend hours in traffic from home to work. How things have changed so much since 12 month ago. How I'm going to enjoy watching Izran get married. How excited I am about going back to Japan, after not going back for a few years now.

Looking back, I must say that throughout the whole day, my mind wasn't focused on the job at hand. It went back and forth, thinking about one thing after another, until something or someone jolted me back to reality.

The night was calm, with hints of rain in the distance. Stars in the skies but thunder in the distance, I remember thinking about how weird that is. I rolled the windows down and cruised along, letting the cold night breeze caress my face and mess my hair up, as my mind went from one thought to another.

Out of nowhere, I saw two green sparkling lights pointing straight at me. Before I could comprehend what was happening, my body took evasive action. Instinctly I swerved the steering to the left and quickly followed that up with a sharper right. The car couldn't and wouldn't take the abuse. It screamed aloud and I found myself spinning hard. Then, I took flight. I remember seeing just stars and darkness through the windscreen, slamming hard back on to solid tar, I was thrown from my seat, smacked my head on a couple of optional accessories, and ended up on the passenger seat.

In shock, and with adrenaline pumping, I decided against getting out of my car. Quickly I re asset the situation. Bloody head, blood all over my hands face and neck. Engine still running, radio still blaring No Diggity by Blackstreet. Lights, panels all alight, it like nothing happened at all. I pulled the stick into drive, and slowing drove to the mechanics nearest my house.

The drive was slow and annoying, my whole body was numb. My ears ringing, the car making noises and sparks left and right. I even thought that if I was to chuck a lighter at my car, it would just blaze up in flames. I parked my car, put my hood on, and headed to the nearest drain and relieved myself. I felt I deserved that, in public, but hey, I just went through hell.

I walked back home, stopping by the local 7-11, where the dude at the counter waited until I was almost out of the store before asking "Are you ok?" Yes, I had my hood on, but that wasn't gonna hide the blood all over my arms, neck and head. I gave small smile, and walked all the way home, where I removed all my clothing, washed up, and went to bed.

Waking up at noon, I relived the night before. Driving - cat - swerve - screeching - swerve - lost control - skid - hit divider - airborne - grounded - thrown - head on windscreen - crashed on passenger seat - blood. All in less than a couple of minutes.

Now that I had a day to reflect on what happened. All I can say that, I was quite lucky, actually very lucky, cause it could of been much, much worse.

The damage to my car includes, bended front grill, bended fender, broken fog lights, two burst tyres, four disfigured rims, 1 bended axle, and a cracked windscreen in two places.

Damage to self, a cut on the head where I failed to find, a cut on my thumb, a sore back, a bruised buttocks, sore ankles, and a bruised ego.

I ended up hating cats so much, but that just lasted for a couple of hours...

Truth-O-Meter

2008-10-28T09:25:00.004+08:00

I have a way of dealing with what people say about me. Take the good with a pinch of salt, take the bad with a pinch of sugar. But let's just see what I would be thinking about myself if I did take the negative things that people has said of me, the usual 10 things, in no particular order.

1. Vain
Some truth to that, actually a lot of truth to that. But what can I say, I really think I'm an above average person. I guess it comes from the high confidence level that I am able to maintain.

Truth-O-Meter: 80%

2. Manipulative
Well, I have been known to keep information and then use it to my advantage. The key is timing, everyday we are told information that will indeed help us further ourselves. When we use the info is what differentiates if we'll get "rewarded" or not. Some say its a bad thing, but I've never used something confidential to get the upper hand.

Truth-O-Meter: 75%

3. Secretive
Yeah, i keep secrets. As do all other people living in this world. But I honestly believe I have less to hide than most people. I'm keeping more other people's secrets than my own. Maybe the fact that I usually know things before others is why I'm labeled as secretive

Truth-O-Meter: 45%

4. Brown Noser
Haha! Being a Joyah, well I'll have to admit to this. But no to the extent of forcing gossip out of someone. Its simple, if you want to share, I'll listen. If I want to know, I'll ask. Its up to you if you're telling or not.

Truth-O-Meter: 90%

5. Kiss Ass-er
Hey! don't blame me if people take notice of me. Don't blame me if people have faith in me. Don't blame me if you're under the radar and unseen. We all have ourselves to take care of. If we don't take care of ourselves, why would others?

Truth-O-Meter: 10%

6. Sweet Talker
Been told this time and time again. Why I say its a negative thing is because personally, my definition of sweet talker is talking crap. They don't call it "sweet nothings" for no reason. I say it as I see it. If its a compliment, you'll say I talk sweet, but try saying that when I'm criticizing you.

Truth-O-Meter: 35%

7. Opinionated
Guilty as charged. I was brought up in an environment where questions were the norm. Building opinions and sparring with people to come with the best solutions. I don't know if it's a Malaysian thing, or an Asian thing, but we are less debatable, we accept the norm because we see debate as a negative thing. How can we improve if we don't debate?

Truth-O-Meter: 100%

8.Arrogant
Very much so. Not because I don't take other's opinion seriously, but because if you think you're right, then go ahead, debate with me, and prove me wrong. Those who succeed will see me take my hats of to them, and follow their opinion.

Truth-O-Meter: 85%

9.Show off
I do show off, but for a reason. Not because I want to brag, but because I want those I brag to see what can be done if they put their minds to it. Usually I show off to people who I think are living within themselves, too afraid to take risks and get out of their comfort zone. The world is out there people! go out and get some!

Truth-O-Meter: 60%

10.Shallow
More to taste than personality I guess. But hey, when I say I want someone attractive, it does not mean I only want a supermodel. I just want somebody who I find attractive through my eyes. Who cares if others say a porcupine is cuter?!? Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, if you're beautiful in my eyes, what do I care what people say?

Truth-O-Meter: 75%

Poyo Session III

2008-10-17T16:11:00.004+08:00

Due to popular (NOT!) demand...

Cinta yang tulus dalam hatiku
Membuang hasrat mimpiku
Tuk bisa menyatakan sayang
Tuk bisa mengungkapkan semua
Pada dirimu

Tak mungkin bagiku tuk memilikimu
Segala rasa yang pasti tak mungkin
Tuk bisa kau terima semua
Tuk bisa kunyatakan rasa
Kucinta kamu

Ketika bunga tak bermekar lagi
Dan dunia tak mungkin berputar lagi
Saat cinta tak membakar hati ini
Kau kan tahu betapa aku mencintaimu
Betapa aku menginginkan kamu

Tak mungkin bagiku tuk memilikimu
Segala rasa yang pasti tak mungkin
Tuk bisa kau terima semua
Tuk bisa kunyatakan rasa
Kucinta kamu

Ketika bunga tak bermekar lagi
Dan dunia tak mungkin berputar lagi
Saat cinta tak membakar hati ini
Kau kan tahu betapa aku mencintaimu
Betapa aku menginginkan kamu

Betapa aku menginginkan kamu

Thank You

2008-10-13T13:52:00.002+08:00

A little something for those of you who helped me better myself from who I was.

Friends,

Who would think that after what has happened, you would be the one still standing firmly by my side. Unwavering in your assessment of me, regardless of my flaws.

Who would think that after everything, you still think I'm the same, even though I laugh less, I talk less, and I hang out less. Not giving up in always inviting me to join you.

Who would think that in the state I was, you'd treat me exactly the same as before. Never letting anything bring me down, always giving everything to help me up.

Who would think that despite all the bad decisions I have made, you never thought I was crazy, nor you ran away not wanting to be a friend. Instead, you let me make my decisions, and supported me in ways I've never knew possible.

Who would think that after seeing the mess that is me, you are still here, helping me groom myself to a better me.

Friends,

All I can say is...

Thank you,

For helping me see when i was blind.
For helping me be strong when I thought I was weak.
For helping me fight when I wanted to run.
For helping me find comfort when I was scared.
For helping me be happy when I was sad.
For helping me laugh when I wanted to cry.
For helping me be calm when I was panicky.
For helping me live when I though I was gonna die.
For helping me feast when I was hungry.
For helping me stand when I was falling.
For helping me find myself when I was lost.
For helping me open up when I was closed.
For helping me chase and not give up.
For helping me choose when I thought I didn't have a choice.
For helping me realize, that you truly are,

a friend indeed.

Poyo Session II

2008-10-09T15:52:00.004+08:00

Different night, different song.

Lying in my bed
I hear the clock tick
And think of you
Caught up in circles confusion
Is nothing new

Flashback warm nights
Almost left behind
Suitcases of memories
Time after

Sometimes you picture me
I'm walking too far ahead
You're calling to me
I can't hear
What you've said

You say
Go slow
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds

If you're lost you can look
And you will find me
Time after time

If you fall I will catch you
I'll be waiting
Time after time

After my picture fades
And darkness has
Turned to gray
Watching through windows
You're wondering
If I'm OK

Secrets are stolen
From deep inside
The drum beats out of time

If you're lost you can look
And you will find me
Time after time

If you fall I will catch you
I'll be waiting
Time after time

You said go slow
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds

If you're lost you can look
And you will find me
Time after time

If you fall I will catch you
I'll be waiting
Time after time
Time after time

Poyo Session

2008-10-09T14:03:00.004+08:00

Had nothing better to do so I unleased a plague on the earth.

Saat indah yg kulalui bersamamu

Melukiskan kisah cinta di dalam lubuk hati

Terbuai nafas cinta yg kau hembuskan

Sampai mati pun ku takkan bisa melupakanmu

Dan bila waktuku

Akan mungkin penuhi janji itu

Ku serahkan padamu

Apapun yg ku mampu

Harus kuakui

Aku sayang kamu

Aku cinta kamu

Oh hanya pada dirimu

Ku ingin kau mampu

Terima hatiku

Terima akan cintaku

Saat indah yg kulalui bersamamu

Melukiskan kisah cinta di dalam lubuk hati

Dan bila waktuku
Akan mungkin penuhi janji itu
Ku serahkan padamu
Apapun yg ku mampu

Harus kuakui
Aku sayang kamu
Aku cinta kamu
Oh hanya pada dirimu
Ku ingin kau mampu
Terima hatiku
Terima akan cintaku

Satu rasa yg haus menyentuh bayangmu

Menyisakan semua yang kurasa

Harus kuakui

Aku sayang kamu

Aku cinta kamu

Oh hanya pada dirimu

Ku ingin kau mampu

Terima hatiku

Terima akan cintaku

Harus kuakui
Aku sayang kamu
Aku cinta kamu
Oh hanya pada dirimu
Ku ingin kau mampu
Terima hatiku
Terima akan cintaku